


Beautiful Disaster

by WorthlessLiars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Physical Abuse, Remus Lupin is a Good Friend, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Slow Burn, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorthlessLiars/pseuds/WorthlessLiars
Summary: It was at the start of his 5th year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry that Sirius Black's carefully constructed world started to fall apart.A Marauders era story in which secrets are revealed, mistakes are made and families are found.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 28
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Marauders return to Hogwarts to start their Fifth year. Sirius is hiding something.
> 
> TW: Injury, reference to Child abuse

It was at the start of his 5th year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry that Sirius Black's carefully constructed world started to fall apart. In hindsight, he supposed it had to happen eventually, life seemed to have a certain skill for screwing him over.

Sirius had never really had the easiest time of things. Sure, he was from an incredibly wealthy and powerful family, and he couldn't pretend that that didn't have it's benefits, but that hadn't been much of a comfort to him for a long time. To the rest of the Wizarding world, the Black's were pureblood royalty and huge proponents of blood supremacy. To Sirius, they were a bunch of crazy, abusive, bigots who he had the misfortune of being related to. He had never seen eye to eye with his parents' views on muggles and muggle-born witches and wizards, which had earned him the reputation of the black sheep of the family. He wore this badge proudly, despite the fact that it made his life a hell of a lot harder when he was home. As the heir of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, there were expectations that Sirius was supposed to meet and, as his parents constantly reminded him, he was failing in all departments. As a result, his time spent at home was becoming progressively more unpleasant. The summer just gone had been particularly bad for Sirius, and he still bore the marks of his parents' anger. When September had arrived, he had been all too ready to return to school and escape the cruelty of Orion and Walburga Black.

...

It was the first Saturday back at school and it seemed that most of the student population were outside enjoying the last of the summer sun. The four Marauders had woken late, relishing the fact that it was too early in the term to have much school work to do and were deciding how to spend their free day.

James Potter already had a plan and spent all of breakfast telling the others about it. He had been made Quidditch Captain over the holidays and it was obvious that it was a role he was going to take very seriously. He explained to his friends that he needed to spend some time on the pitch to "get a feel of the playing field" before team practices started. He then resolutely ignored the other boys as they pointed out that he had been on the Quidditch team since his 2nd year so should already know it all. He spent the next five minutes explaining all the reasons that it was _different _now that he was Captain.__

____

____

Sirius, always happy for the excuse to spend some time outside after having spent most of the summer locked in his room, agreed to keep him company. Not that he’d been given much choice in the matter, James had informed him that, as his best friend and one of Gryffindor's two beaters, it was his duty to come if he wanted to keep both positions. 

Their two friends, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, preferred to keep their feet on the ground and decided not to join them. So after breakfast, the two black haired boys left them to head down to the Quidditch pitch. Remus headed back up to the Gryffindor boys’ dormitory, intent on making some decent progress with his new book and Peter headed off towards the kitchens for a food raid, which was greatly appreciated by the other Marauders. They usually had a supply of treats in their dorm to see them through late night prank planning sessions and Peter had made a name for himself as the snack provider. 

…

Down at the Quidditch pitch, James and Sirius took to the skies, Sirius letting out a cheer of unadulterated joy as he quickly ascended. There was nothing quite like the feeling of freedom that came with flying. It was like you left all your worries and responsibilities back on the ground, shedding the weight to allow you to go higher and faster. Flying with James only enhanced the experience for Sirius. Both boys were pretty talented flyers. James had made the Quidditch team in his second year, quickly making a name for himself as one of the best Chasers in the school. Sirius had joined a year later when one of the Beaters positions had opened up and was a natural. It helped that they knew each other so well and worked perfectly together, predicting the others movements and flying with flawless synchronisation. 

They did a couple of laps of the pitch before James decided it was time to do some serious practice. He managed to engage Sirius in a few drills, passing and catching the Quaffle, before Sirius got bored and decided that starting a race would be much more fun. Never one to turn down a competition, James was quick to agree and all ideas of structured practice went out the window. They passed the next hour racing and challenging each other to do progressively more risky tricks like huge dives and loop-de-loops. By the time they left the pitch, both boys were exhausted and windswept, but grinning from ear to ear. 

After packing up the Quidditch gear, the two Marauders headed back to the castle, laughing and joking as they went. As they arrived at the changing room door, James started on his favourite topic of conversation; Lily Evans. James had fancied Lily since their first year at Hogwarts and was unwavering in his belief that they would one day be married. Unfortunately for him, she seemed to want absolutely nothing to do with him.

"I'm telling you Pads, this is it. This is the year Evans finally realises that she's desperately in love with me," James stated confidently. 

"I mean, who wouldn't fancy the Quidditch Captain? Especially after I've led Gryffindor to victory!"

Sirius just rolled his eyes, a fond smile settling on his face.

"Wow Prongs, mind the doorway, I'm not sure it's wide enough for your massive head"

James responded by giving him the finger. 

"Tut tut Jamie, what would dear Evans think of such vulgar behaviour," Sirius admonished grinning cheekily.

"Joke all you want, Padfoot, but I'm telling you that by the end of the year, I'll have managed to get a date with Lily Evans"

" I think she'd rather date the giant squid, he's probably a better kisser anyway," Sirius teased.

"Take that back, I am an excellent kisser" James shouted in mock outrage.

"Nope" Sirius replied, sticking out his tongue.

James threw himself at Sirius, grabbing him in a headlock and vigorously ruffling his hair.

"No Prongs! Not the hair!" Sirius cried.

"I'll stop when you admit that I'm a better date than the giant squid" James said, continuing his assault on Sirius' hair.

"Never!"

Sirius took his revenge by reaching round and jabbing James in the side, where he knew he was ticklish. This caused James to release him and Sirius was able to gain the upper hand. Before long they were wrestling playfully, their laughter and teasing ringing around the otherwise empty changing rooms. 

James was about to launch a new attack on Sirius, when he froze suddenly, laughter dying in his throat. 

“What’s wrong Prongs, scared I’ll beat you” Sirius teased, unaware of the change in James' mood.

“Padfoot, what’s that?” James' voice was quiet and laced with concern.

Sirius’ heart stopped as he became aware of his friend staring at his lower back where his Quidditch jersey had ridden up in their tussle. He quickly righted himself and yanked the hem of his jumper back down, but he knew it was too late, James had seen the bruises.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it," he attempted to brush James' concerns off with a quick smile. But James was not one to be put off so easily.

"It didn't look like nothing"

_Shit _thought Sirius, cursing himself for his carelessness. _Shit _. He was always so careful about keeping this part of his life a secret from his friends and now a silly mistake was going to ruin it all. Sirius had never wanted the others to find out about his homelife. At school he was the fun loving rebel, with a devil-may-care attitude and that's how he liked it. He didn't want sympathy or pity and he definitely didn't want anyone knowing how broken and weak he felt he really was. He tried to ignore the panicky feeling that was spreading through him as he attempted to come up with a good enough lie to placate James.____

_____ _

_____ _

"I must have knocked into a table or something"

He knew it was a piss poor explanation, but it was all he could think of right now. He needed to get away from James before he asked any more questions. Pushing past him, Sirius quickly grabbed his clothes and headed into the shower, a clear message that the conversation was over. James stared after him, concern written over his features and an uneasy dread settling in his stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus contemplates his relationship with a certain Black heir and revelations are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Injury, implied/referenced child abuse

Remus was lying on his bed in the Gryffindor boy's dormitory, enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet that the absence of his two rowdiest roommates afforded him. He loved James and Sirius both dearly, but sometimes he craved the tranquility of silence and a good book. Being a Marauder, these moments of rest were few and far between and Remus knew to make the most of them whenever the opportunity arose. 

A break from the chaos wasn't the only benefit of his friends' absence, Remus reflected. If he was totally honest with himself he was especially relieved to be away from Sirius for a bit. It wasn’t that he had fallen out with the raven haired boy, quite the opposite in fact... which was kind of the problem. Recently, he'd been having trouble focusing when Sirius was around. This wasn't entirely unusual, with his barking laugh and constant joking, Sirius was quite distracting. But more and more frequently, Remus had found himself distracted by more subtle aspects of the young Black than his constant noise and flair for the dramatic. For example, in Potions yesterday, he had been fixating on the back of Sirius' long neck, where some of his silky dark hairs had escaped the messy bun he had put them in at the start of class. So engrossed was Remus by these flyaway hairs and the pale skin beneath them that he missed a step in the preparation of his laughing potion, causing it to bubble up all over the sides of his cauldron and onto the desk. 

This wasn't entirely new to Remus. It had been towards the end of their previous year that he had first become aware that his feelings for Sirius were maybe a bit more than friendly. It had actually been something rather mundane that had tipped him off. The four Marauders had all been in the Gryffindor common room attempting to cram in some revision on the eve of the summer exams. Sirius had gotten bored five minutes in and was just doodling on his parchment. Across the room from them, a group of first years were stressing about their upcoming Charms exam. One girl in particular seemed to be having a lot of trouble with the levitation charm.

"I'm never going to get this!" She had said dejectedly, dropping her wand on the table. "Maybe that Slytherin was right, I shouldn't have been allowed to come here, I should have stayed in muggle school." She looked on the verge of tears.

Remus saw a look of anger cross Sirius' face at her words. It was quickly followed by determination as Sirius got up and walked over to the girl. Remus hadn't heard what he said to her, but she had nodded and Sirius had joined her and her friends at their table. Forgetting about his own work, Remus watched as Sirius spent the next hour helping the young girl until she had successfully levitated her quill across the room. At one point, Sirius had looked up, catching Remus watching him. The smile he'd given him had been the softest most wholesome smile Remus had ever seen and sent a warm feeling straight to his very core. It was at that moment that he knew he was in trouble. Because much as he loved the loud, brash boy that the rest of the school saw, it was those moments where Sirius let his softer side come through that Remus treasured. 

And there was no denying that Sirius was attractive, the whole school knew it. With his high cheekbones, jawline to die for and smouldering grey eyes, he had half the school falling for him. Not to mention his hair! His gorgeous black locks were now down to his shoulders and always looked perfectly windswept, even when he first woke up (it really wasn't fair how effortlessly good he looked). He'd initially grown it out to upset his mother, but had decided to keep it long, which Remus (and most of the female population) were very pleased about. This combined with the fact that he had started wearing a Muggle leather jacket and ripped jeans over the summer had given Sirius a 'bad boy's vibe and it only added to his allure.

Remus stopped himself abruptly. Sirius was his _friend _and Remus was certain that he'd never look at him as anything more than that. Deciding that these thoughts were best left well alone for the time being, Remus returned to his book, hoping it would provide a good enough distraction to keep his thoughts away from his handsome friend.__

__

__…_ _

__

__Before too long, Remus' peaceful bubble was burst by the sound of raised voices making their way up the spiral stairs. He couldn't make out what was being said, but it sounded heated. Remus sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he wasn't going to be finishing his book today. James and Sirius rarely actually argued, but Remus was often having to mediate petty disagreements about stupid things like who had hogged the shower that morning, or who was McGonagall's favourite. Their constant bickering was somehow both endearing and infuriating, he thought fondly. Just part of their charm._ _

__

__Sirius stormed into the room ahead of James, obviously annoyed. He headed straight for his bed, not even acknowledging Remus as he passed._ _

__

__"Moony stop him!" James called from the stairwell._ _

__

__"I'm not getting involved” Remus replied, “Whatever it is, you're probably as much to blame as he is"_ _

__

__"This is important, Remus!"_ _

__

__If the use of his proper name hadn't alerted Remus to the fact that something was wrong, then one glance at James' face definitely would have done. In place of his usual smirk and mirthful eyes, sat a deep frown and furrowed brows, the serious expression foreign on his handsome features._ _

__

__"What's going on?" Remus asked, engaging himself more fully in whatever disagreement he had been pulled into._ _

__

__“Sirius is hurt and he’s being an idiot about it!”_ _

__

__James now had Remus’ full attention._ _

__

__"What's he talking about, Padfoot?" he said, turning his eyes to the other boy._ _

__

__“I’m _fine _” Sirius said, rolling his eyes, “James is being a drama queen.”___ _

____ _ _

____"I am not!" James scoffed, "He's covered in bruises! I saw them when we were getting changed!"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Well that's simple then, if it really is nothing to worry about, Sirius will be happy to take his shirt off and prove it" Remus offered, pleased at how evenly his voice came out. The thought of Sirius shirtless made him feel things he’d rather not think about right now._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Why Moony, you'll have to buy me a drink first" Sirius purred, throwing him a wink._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Remus rolled his eyes at his friend's antics, but if he was honest the attempt at deflection concerned him. Sirius’ casual flirting usually caused Remus’ insides to squirm, but right now he was feeling uncomfortable for completely different reasons._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Can you be serious for five minutes!” James reprimanded._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“I’m always Si-”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Don’t say it!"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____James was getting frustrated, Sirius was being deliberately difficult and he didn’t know why. If he was trying to convince someone else, Sirius’ joking might have done the job, but his friends knew him too well to be fooled by his diversion. Sensing James’ growing ire, Remus stepped in._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Look Pads, James is only making a fuss because he cares about you" he said placatingly._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Just leave it" Sirius snarled_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“How can I leave it?!" James shouted back, exasperated. "How can I not be worried when you're obviously hurt, but you won't tell me why or what happened? Tell me how I can ignore that!"_ _ _ _

____He knew that getting angry at Sirius probably wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t help it, his friend was being a prize idiot._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Fine!" Sirius shouted, face flushed red with anger. "Fine, if you're so sure you want to know, then be my guest!" Then he was violently yanking his shirt over his head, revealing his back to the other two boys._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Remus let out a strangled gasp as he took in the sight before him. Sirius’ back was a patchwork of deep purples and yellowing greens as old and newer bruises converged. Amidst the spectrum of colours, Remus could make out some raised welts that had only just started to heal, along with a few older scars._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Sirius…" James choked_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"I told you to leave it"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Remus had been able to do nothing but stare at the grisly sight before him, but his brain had started to catch up with what he was seeing and he needed an explanation._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Padfoot, I don’t understand. What happened? How did…?” Remus trailed off. He was familiar with injuries, going through what he did every month they were pretty commonplace, but he rarely saw wounds that seemed so… deliberate._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“It happened at home, didn’t it? It's your parents” James’ voice was deathly quiet._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Sirius gave no response, his silence confirming what he wouldn't say._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____That Sirius' homelife wasn't the greatest was no secret to the other Marauders. They had heard Sirius complain about it often enough and had been present for enough Howlers to know that Sirius' relationship with his parents was strained to say the least. But none of the other boys had ever imagined it was as bad as this. Coming from loving families, it had never occurred to them that Sirius' parents would actually harm him, it seemed unfathomable. Hatred like he'd never known flooded James' chest as he thought of his brother, suffering at the hands of the two people who should care for and protect him from harm._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"I'm going to kill them!" The venom in James’ voice surprised the other boys, they had never heard him so angry. “How dare they! How dare they!”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Prongs, calm down, it’s fine”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“How can you say this is fine, Sirius? This is so far from fine! They're your parents! They can't do this to you!"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Sirius looked away, "You wouldn't understand" he said. "Black family politics and all that…I've disappointed them, they don't think I've been a very good heir."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____James just stared at him, speechless. He didn't have a clue how to respond. He was horrified that Sirius could be so calm about it, like he was resigned to the fact that this was just a part of his life. No, it was worse than that, James thought...Sirius thought that he had brought this treatment on himself for being a bad heir, as if that somehow justified his parent's actions._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"How long...?" Remus started, breaking the silence. Sirius, who had been pointedly avoiding eye contact with his friends, snapped his head round to look at him. Something in his eyes begged Remus not to finish his question, but he needed to know._ _ _ _

____"How long has this been going on?"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Sirius looked away, focusing on the threadbare rug at his feet. He didn't want to see his friends' faces when they realised how long he'd been hiding this. He already felt too exposed. Too vulnerable._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Well they've never been nice exactly…"_ _ _ _

____The look he received from James told Sirius that this was not a good enough response, so he continued tentatively, eyes back down to the ground._ _ _ _

____"I mean, they've always punished me for going against them, locking me in my room, not giving me dinner, that sort of thing… but I guess it got worse after I got sorted. Apparently, being a Gryffindor is something they can't forgive too easily", he finished with a small shrug._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Remus felt sick as he thought about all of the other times Sirius must have hidden similar injuries from them and they'd never noticed. James, on the other hand, was furious. He was furious at Walburga and Orion Black and he wanted nothing more than to go and raise Grimmauld Place to the ground with them inside it for what they had done. But he was also furious with himself. How could he say he was Sirius' best friend when he had never noticed how much he was suffering? When year after year, he had let him return to those monsters? In the harsh light shed by this new information, James saw the signs that had always been there; the way Sirius always seemed more touch-shy and withdrawn after visits home, the reluctance to talk about his family, the nightmares. He could kick himself for being so blind! There and then he promised himself that he would do everything he could to keep his brother safe. He wouldn't let him down again._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Sirius, I'm so sorry", James said solemnly._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"I'm sorry too" came Remus' voice. He and James were now standing next to each other, facing Sirius, who was looking at them with confusion. What did they have to be sorry about? He opened his mouth, about to ask just that, but James interrupted before he had the chance._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"You're our friend and you're hurting and we didn't notice. We're sorry we didn't see it, can you forgive us?"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Sirius just stared at his two friends for a moment, trying to come to terms with what was happening. He had been terrified of them finding out his secret, scared that they would think less of or pity him. But they hadn't. And now they were actually apologising for not knowing, even though that was in no way their fault. Without answering James' question, Sirius threw himself at his friends, arms reaching out and pulling them in. Two pairs of arms wrapped around him in response, both being careful to avoid his injuries. Sirius sunk into the embrace of two of his best friends, feeling more loved and cared for than he had in his life._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____It was at that moment that Peter stumbled noisily through the door, arms laden with stolen treats, causing the three embracing boys to look over._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Excellent work, Wormtail," James called over Sirius' shoulder, grinning widely. "I have a feeling we're going to need those tonight"_ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of the Marauders

Following the revelation of Sirius’ secret, the four Marauders had stayed up all night talking and making their way through Peter's snack stash. The other boys had tried to get some more information from Sirius about what life at Grimmauld Place was like, but he had been reluctant to open up about it, leading them to worry that he was still downplaying the abuse he suffered. James, Remus and Peter were all horrified about what they had learnt and wanted to do everything in their power to help their friend. They had suggested he tell a teacher and James had all but begged him to let him tell his parents, who he was sure would want to help, but Sirius had point blank refused. Having been unable to convince Sirius to seek some form of help, the other Marauders had eventually convinced him to at least stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. Then, wanting to do as much as he could to help, Remus had dug out some of the healing balms and bandages that Madam Pompfrey had provided him with for post-moon injuries and had cleaned up Sirius' wounds. 

Sirius had stayed fairly quiet throughout the rest of the night. He knew that his friends were upset and couldn't understand why he refused to go to a teacher, but he also knew that this wasn’t an option. Much as he wished otherwise, Sirius had been brought up in pureblood society; he knew all about the politics and the shady deals that his friends weren't privy to. As a result, he knew that there was no point involving anyone official. The Blacks were very powerful and very wealthy and they would just buy, bribe or blackmail their way out of a sticky situation, which would just make things worse for him in the long run. And even if someone did kick up a fuss, Sirius knew his parents wouldn't think twice about making life difficult for his friends and their families and there was no way in hell he would allow that to happen. 

Sirius’ friends were everything to him. They had been the first people in his life to accept him for who he was and to make him feel loved. He would willingly die for them, and he absolutely would not be the reason for any of them suffering if he could help it. If he let them help him, his family would come after them and they would be relentless. 

He knew that the Potter’s would probably be okay; they were already considered Blood Traitors by most of the “Sacred 28” families, and they weren’t concerned about their reputation. But they had always been so kind to Sirius and the thought of being the cause of any sort of distress to them made him feel sick. As for the Pettigrews, they couldn’t afford to have that sort of stress. Peter’s mother already struggled with having to look after Pete and his sister without any support from her husband, who had walked out. The last thing she needed was one of the most powerful wizarding families in the country breathing down her neck. And the Lupins… well that didn’t bear thinking about. If the Black’s went after them, they would make sure to dig up every little secret, including Moony’s lycanthropy and Sirius would die before he let that happen. Werewolves were already outcasts in Wizarding society and, if they knew, Sirius’ parents would do everything in their power to ensure whatever meagre opportunities Remus had were stripped from him. He’d probably be forced to drop out of school and would be shunned by most of their classmates. Sirius would not bring that sort of wrath down on his Moony. He already had enough to deal with. 

No, Sirius decided, there was no way he would let any of them put themselves at risk like that for him. His situation may be far from ideal, but he could deal with it. He’d managed for almost 16 years already, he could keep it up. Besides he would be 17 next year and then he would be free. It was this thought that reassured him as he went to sleep that night, comforted by the presence of his closest friends. 

…

As term went on, life returned to normal for the Marauders. Sirius' injuries had healed up nicely and, although they were still concerned about their friend, James, Remus and Peter had plenty of other things to occupy their minds. Fifth year brought with it their O.W.Ls and, despite the exams being months away, all the professors were already giving out mountains of homework. As such, most evenings you would find the Gryffindor fifth years huddled around books and parchments in the little study nooks in the common room or library. Homework and lessons aside, the four boys were constantly busy. Between James and Sirius' Quidditch practice and Remus' prefect rounds, they barely had time for causing mischief. Of course, they still somehow found time for pranks in their busy schedules. They had a reputation to uphold after all. The Marauders also had something else on their minds as September drew to an end; the first full moon of the school year was upon them. 

Since learning of Moony’s “furry little problem”, James, Sirius and Peter had formed a sort of tradition around full moon days. Two of them would head down to the Kitchens and scavenge breakfast for the four of them to have in their dorm room, while the other would stay and keep Remus company. This close to the moon, Remus’ werewolf senses were extra sensitive, and the noise and brightness of the Great Hall usually caused him a headache, staying in the dorm was a much less stressful option. Today, it was Peter and James’ turn to get breakfast and Sirius would be the one staying behind. James crept over to Sirius’ bed, Peter in tow. 

“Right Pads, we’re heading down now. You’re in charge of waking Moony up” James whispered, being careful not to disturb their sleeping friend. “Be nice, don’t jump on him, you know what he’s like on the full.” 

“Relax James,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not going to jump on him, I don’t want him to hit me. I’ll be gentle, promise”

Satisfied that Sirius was going to be sensitive, James nodded and led Peter out of the room. Sirius looked over at the still sleeping Remus and smiled. He looked so cute when he was asleep, his face relaxed and free of all the worries and stress that consciousness brought with it. Moving closer to his friend’s bed, Sirius was struck for a moment by how attractive Moony looked. The sunlight coming in from a gap in the red curtains, fell on his face, making his fair curls shine like gold and highlighting the thin scar than ran across the bridge of his nose. Sirius knew that Moony hated his scars, but he had always been drawn to them, seeing them as proof of how strong and brave his Moony was. 

Sirius shook himself, clearing his head. He was here to wake Remus up, not stare at him creepily while he was asleep. He was sure Remus would be weirded out by his behaviour, he shouldn’t be thinking those sorts of things about his friend. Mentally berating himself, Sirius set about his task. 

“Moony” Sirius called softly, “Mooooony”

He couldn’t help but smile as drowsy amber eyes opened and fixed on his face. Remus let out a slight groan, before stretching and sitting up in bed.

“Morning, Moony,” Sirius said with a smile. Remus grumbled something in response and slumped back against his headboard.

“How are you feeling today?” Sirius asked. He knew that the day of the full moon was hard for Remus and he was often tired and achy in the lead up to his transformation.

Remus shrugged slightly, “I’ve felt worse” he replied, “Just a bit sore and can’t get comfortable.”

“I can help with that!” Sirius exclaimed, bouncing over to Remus’ side.

Then, before Remus could react, Sirius had wriggled his way into his bed, so that he was sitting next to him. He tucked Remus into his side, letting him rest his head on his shoulder. 

“There,” Sirius said happily, “That should be better” 

Heat crept across Remus’ cheeks and he was glad Sirius wasn’t looking at him. A part of him said that he should pull away; Sirius might not be as comfortable with their closeness if he knew how Remus felt about him. But another part of him said to stay put, he felt like crap and he was comfortable. Besides, Sirius obviously didn’t mind.

“James and Pete should be back soon with breakfast and then you can just relax until it’s time to go to the hospital wing this evening,” Sirius said, interrupting his thoughts.

“I can’t stay here all day, I have to go to class, Sirius,” Remus replied

Sirius just shook his head. “You’re not going to class, Moony, you’ll be hurting all day. I’ll take notes for you, you won’t miss anything.”

Remus didn’t argue. Usually Sirius didn’t bother taking notes, he spent too much of the lesson messing about with James. But Remus knew that the notes he would receive from him would be as detailed and accurate as possible. Sirius always made the effort for him. And to be honest, the thought of staying in bed all day was far too appealing.

“Thanks,” he whispered, smiling sleepily up at Sirius. 

Sirius grinned back. He opened his mouth about to respond when he was interrupted by James and Peter returning from their mission. 

“Ah Moony, my man, good to see you awake! I hope Sirius wasn’t too annoying” James quipped.

“I’ll have you know I was a perfect gentleman,” Sirius boasted. 

“Padfoot, you’ve never been a perfect gentleman in your life” came Peter’s response. “Now, who’s ready for breakfast?” 

Remus just smiled softly as he observed his friends’ antics. How had he got so lucky to deserve them?

…

The moon itself passed without incident. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs cavorted around the Forbidden Forest, chasing each other and play fighting until the early hours. When the moon began to fall lower in the sky, Prongs and Padfoot began ushering Moony back to the Shrieking Shack, in preparation for Madam Pompfrey to collect him in the morning. 

Remus woke up aching and exhausted, but with no major injuries. He was lying on the moth-eaten bed in what would have been the master bedroom of the Shrieking Shack. From the amount of light entering the room through the boarded up windows, Remus could tell that it was still early, it would be a while before Madam Pompfrey made her way down to the Shack. He looked around the room, wanting to check on his friends. He wouldn't be able to relax until he had seen that none of them had been hurt by the Wolf. He could see James and Peter both curled up asleep on the dilapidated sofa in the corner. Both seemed unharmed and were snoring quietly. He felt something shift on the bed next to him. Looking down, he found Padfoot, still in his dog form curled up next to him, fast asleep. Remus reached out to his friend. As he carded his fingers through black shaggy fur, Remus closed his eyes, a feeling of pure contentment settling in his stomach as he drifted back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween and that means it's time for the traditional Marauders Halloween prank

October arrived and brought with it frosty mornings and numbingly cold winds. Winter always seemed to come early this far to the north and students already strolled the vast hallways of Hogwarts bundled in scarfs and hats. The House Elves worked tirelessly to keep the fires in the Common Rooms and dormitories blazing and some of the older students had taken to casting warming spells on themselves before braving the outside. 

Much to the Gryffindor Quidditch team’s dismay, the cold weather had not had an impact on James’ frankly sadistic practice schedule and they found themselves fighting the elements out on the pitch at least twice a week. James’ enthusiasm was not dampened by the poor conditions, in fact he seemed more chipper than usual. The team was working really hard and James was feeling quietly confident of their chances for the cup (something he bragged about every evening after practice). Indeed, Quidditch occupied almost every one of James’ waking thoughts. He was intent on taking home the victory in his first year as captain. However, as the month drew to a close, James had another pressing project to occupy what remained of his free time.

...

“Right Lads,” James said one morning as they sat down for breakfast. “We’ve got some planning to do”.

The other three Marauders looked up from their food, interests piqued. 

“It’s almost Halloween and we have to plan something impressive for the feast,” James stated, watching his friend’s reaction to his announcement. Remus let out a groan and shook his head resignedly, Peter nodded enthusiastically and Sirius gave a cheeky smirk, his eyes glinting with mischief. 

Over the years, The Great Halloween Prank (as James had dubbed it) had become a sort of tradition for the Marauders and they took great pride in their performance. The Halloween prank was usually flashy and loud, but they tried to stop it from being too destructive- at least until after dinner had been served, even the Marauders acknowledged that the feast was too good to miss. 

“What are you thinking, Prongs?” Sirius asked, eyes twinkling. 

“Why, Padfoot, I’m glad you asked,” James replied, before pulling an old book out of his bag and dumping it on the table in front of the others. 

“I found this over the summer and ever since I’ve wanted to try it out,” James continued, opening the book to a marked page and pointing at something at the top of the page.

“Hair-raising solution,” Peter read out loud, “causes the drinkers hair to stand on end.”

Sirius stared at James, smile fading slightly. “Prongs, mate, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but making someone’s hair stand up isn’t exactly out of this world,” he said, unconvinced. 

“Maybe not,” James conceded. “But what about if it was an entire room’s hair?” he asked suggestively. “What if it included the teacher’s table?”

Sirius seemed to consider this for a moment before a wide smile found his face. “Imagine Dumbledore,” he said. “I reckon his hair would stand 3 foot in the air!”

James ginned back. 

“I think it sounds great, and the potion doesn’t even look that difficult” Peter chipped in.

Three heads turned to face Remus.

“Moony?”

Remus sighed. “You realise when they made me a prefect, they were probably hoping I’d put a stop to some of this” he said. 

“Yeah, but that’s because they don’t know that you’re actually to worst of all of us, Moons,” Sirius reminded him with a wink.

“That’s not even half true,” Remus replied. “I really shouldn’t be involved, especially if we’re targeting teachers as well.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to help, Remus?” Peter asked, a frown forming on his face. 

“Of course I am, it’s tradition after all,” he replied with a smile. “Although, I think we can improve on the plan. We should do something else first so that no one’s expecting the potion in their pumpkin juice.”

“That’s the spirit, Moony!” 

…

Over the next week, the boys planned their prank meticulously and started gathering the necessary supplies. The hair-raising potion was simple, but required some ingredients that they were going to have to “borrow” from Slughorn’s supplies. In addition to the potion, the other Marauders had liked Remus’ suggestion of a second, decoy, prank and had decided that this would come in the form of exploding pumpkins. This meant they were going to have to try and get to Hagrid’s pumpkins before they were all levitated up to the Great Hall’s ceiling. Peter had seen them being harvested and had followed Hagrid as he carted them up towards the castle, so they knew that they were being stored in one of the side rooms at the top of the hall. The boys had decided to split the task; two of them would go to Slughorn’s supply cupboard and two of them would set up the pumpkins. 

As James was the best at potions, they all agreed that he should be in charge of getting the ingredients and starting to brew the hair-raising solution. He could take his invisibility cloak with him and hopefully shouldn’t face too much trouble. The boys had grown enough now since first year, that squeezing more than one of them under the cloak wasn’t ideal and it was because of this they decided that Peter, who was the smallest, should go with James. That left Remus and Sirius to charm the pumpkins. They hoped that Remus’ status as a prefect would mean that he wouldn’t be questioned if he was seen loitering around the Great Hall while Sirius set to work. So it was that two days before Halloween, the four boys walked down to the entrance hall together before parting ways; two to head down to the dungeons, two to enter the Great Hall. 

…

It was late in the evening, dinner had ended a few hours ago and the curfew was closing in. Remus and Sirius were the only students about, the usually thrumming Great Hall eerily quiet. 

“It’s so weird in here when it’s empty” Sirius said, his eyes drawn to the long wooden table to the far left of the room. 

“I know,” Remus replied, looking round. “I forget how big it is.” He then caught sight of Sirius, who was now sitting at the table he had been looking at. The sight didn’t sit well with Remus, but he wasn’t sure why- there was nothing unnerving about Sirius sitting at a table. Then it clicked. Sirius was sitting at the Slytherin table. 

“What are you doing?” Remus asked, making his way over to his friend. 

“Just seeing what things look like from this table,” It was said with a voice of indifference, but there was something in Sirius’ face that betrayed his underlying emotions. 

“What does it look like?” Remus asked tentatively as he took a seat next to Sirius. 

“Different”

Remus watched him waiting for him to continue. 

“It’s lonelier,” Sirius said after a moment. “Sadder, I guess, but maybe easier.”

Remus knew that he was talking about more than just the view of a room from a table. Sirius was seeing all that that table represented. If he’d been placed in Slytherin, if he’d have sat at this table, things would be easier at home. It would have kept his parents happy and he would have been with his brother. But he would have been miserable and he would have missed out on his friendship with the other Marauders. 

“This was supposed to be my view” Sirius stated quietly. “I’m not sure I like it.”

Remus looked at Sirius, concerned. He wished he could know exactly what he was thinking, to try and understand exactly what had brought on this melancholy. All he did know was that he didn’t like it and he wanted to put a smile back on Sirius’ face if he could. 

“Well, I’m not sure I like seeing you sitting over here,” he said gently. “I much prefer you next to me, at our table. It suits you better” he finished with a soft smile. 

His words seemed to have the desired effect. Sirius flashed him a bright smile and all traces of despondency disappeared from his face. 

“Me too,” he said, looking right at Remus, eyes bright and sincere. Then in classic Sirius fashion, he jumped up enthusiastically, acting as if nothing had happened at all. 

Come on then Moony,” Sirius said, grabbing his hand and pulling him up off the bench and towards the top of the hall. “We have a prank to prepare.”

…

On the evening of the Halloween feast, the Great Hall was alive with the sounds of students chattering excitedly. Pumpkins floated in the air overhead and a flock of live bats flew around under the magical stormy ceiling. 

The Marauders took their seats at the Gryffindor table, keen to blend in with their classmates and remain inconspicuous. Everything was in place. The pumpkins had been charmed to go off at the start of the feast and the hair-raising solution had been slipped into the pumpkin juice while the house elves had been distracted by Peter’s requests for more snacks. 

“Ready boys?” James whispered as the last of the students took their seats. 

The others nodded, excitement clear on their faces. Just then Professor Dumbledore stood up and silence filled the hall. 

“Welcome all to the Halloween Feast,” Dumbledore’s voice carried across the huge room. “Now, I won’t bore you with a long speech, that can wait until after, for now let us tuck in to what I’m sure will be a splendid meal.” 

There was a cheer as Dumbledore sat down and everyone’s attentions quickly turned to the tables in front of them in anticipation of the meal that was about to appear. That was until a loud bang sounded from the corner of the room. It was quickly followed by a second bang, then a third. Soon the hall was filled with the sounds of small explosions as the pumpkins floating overhead started to blow up. Bits of mangled pumpkin and red and gold confetti began to rain down upon the students who, after the initial shock, had begun to laugh at the chaos. 

James grinned at Sirius and Remus, nodding his approval. “The confetti is a nice touch” he said, impressed.

The two boys just beamed back at him. 

Dumbledore had now stood back up to address the hall. There was a smile on his face and his eyes twinkled mirthfully. 

“Ah yes, how could I forget that we usually have a little bit of excitement at Halloween,” he said, eyes landing briefly on the four Marauders. “I must say, I am impressed by the skill involved in such a display, but now if we could all settle down. It’s time for the feast to begin.”

At his words, the tables in the hall were filled with an abundance of tasty looking dishes and jugs of pumpkin juice, which students began to dig in to immediately. It wasn’t long before the first peals of laughter started up as one student’s hair began to raise up off their shoulders, defying gravity to stick straight up in the air. This was followed by more laughter as more students found themselves experiencing the same thing. Soon almost the entire hall found themselves looking like they had been zapped by lightning. 

And at the top of the hall at the teacher’s table sat Albus Dumbledore, laughing merrily, as his long hair and beard stood straight up in the air.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders celebrate Sirius' birthday

No sooner had Halloween passed before it was time for another Marauder celebration; Sirius Black’s birthday. Before Hogwarts, Sirius’ birthday had never been something he had looked forward to. It had just been an excuse for his parents to parade him in front of his relatives in stuffy formal dress robes. There had never been cake, or parties or anything that resembled fun. More often than not, Sirius had been made to sit quietly while the adults talked about him and his future and he could be sure to receive punishment if his behaviour was anything other than perfect, birthday or not. 

This had all changed when he got to Hogwarts. Now Sirius looked towards his birthday with eager anticipation. Gone were the days or boring family meals, replaced instead by boisterous parties, pranks and kitchen raids for his favourite foods. But most importantly, he got to spend the day with his friends and his parents were nowhere in sight. 

As per Marauder tradition, on the morning of his 16th birthday, Sirius was woken by a very excited James Potter jumping onto his bed with a cry of “puppy pile!” and tackling him with a hug. James was almost immediately joined by Remus and Peter, the three of them finding it a lot harder to find space in his bed than they had done when they were 11. 

“Happy birthday, Padfoot!” James beamed. “16 years old, almost a man! Soon you’ll be too old for childish things like Puppy Piles” James continued, bowing his head in mock sadness. 

“You want a real Puppy pile?” Sirius asked, a devilish glint in his eye. 

Before James could respond, Sirius shifted into his dog form, let out a joyful bark and licked James right across the face.

“Ugh gross! Padfoot, you’re disgusting!” James moaned, wiping his face with the sleeve of his pajamas. 

“Looks like he’s not done being childish yet, Prongs,” Peter laughed.

“This is Sirius we’re talking about, I don’t think he’ll ever be above being childish,” Remus pointed out with a smile. 

Sirius barked in agreement before changing back into his human self and smiling innocently at James. James rolled his eyes and gave him a playful shove.

“I will let that slide because it’s your birthday, you great mutt,” James allowed. “Besides, we have more important things to focus on- presents!”

James then ducked under his own bed and pulled out two gifts, which he presented to Sirius. The first one, a large box, rather haphazardly wrapped in what seemed to be an old edition of The Daily Prophet, was a beautiful personalised Beater’s bat from James. 

“Woah, James! This is gorgeous! I can’t wait to take it for a trial run!” Sirius had gushed, running his slender fingers along the smooth wood in awe. 

The second box contained a pair of customised leather Quidditch gloves and was from James’ parents. Mrs and Mr Potter had sent him something every year since James had told them that his own parents ignored the occasion completely and Sirius was always touched by their generosity. Peter then passed over his gift; a large selection of Zonko’s finest. 

“Excellent Wormy, these are going to be put to great use” Sirius had remarked with a grin. 

Lastly, Remus handed over his gift, a thin, square, neatly wrapped parcel. Sirius opened it to reveal a muggle vinyl record, something called Diamond Dogs by a man named David Bowie. Sirius’ eyes lit up, Remus had been slowly introducing him and James to muggle music and he loved it! 

“I hope you like it”, Remus said. “I think you’ll appreciate David Bowie.”

Sirius wrapped him in a bear hug. “I’m sure I’ll love it! You’ve not been wrong with this muggle music before. We should listen to it right now!” 

“Slow down a second, Pads,” James laughed. “It may be your birthday, but McGonagall will murder us if we stay up here listening to your new album all day instead of going to Transfiguration.”

Sirius pouted at him. 

“Cheer up Pads, we can put it on at your party tonight,” Peter suggested. 

“Good idea, Wormtail,” James said, clapping Peter on the back. “Now come on lads, the Birthday Boy needs breakfast or he’ll be grumpy by lunch.”

…

Marauder birthdays were always big events, not just for the boys, but usually for the whole of Gryffindor house, who had learned to anticipate quite a party and that evening was no exception. Already the Butterbeer was flowing and someone (Remus suspected James) had also managed to smuggle in a fair quantity of Firewhiskey. Sirius’ new record was playing on the magically powered turntable and every available floor space was taken up by people dancing.

Remus had grabbed a Butterbeer and migrated towards the outskirts of the room to hang out with some of the other Gryffindors who weren’t as keen on dancing as the others. He’d been enjoying a nice chat with Lily Evans until just moments before when she had been dragged off to dance by Marlene, shooting him an apologetic look as she went. Now without anything to distract him, Remus found himself scanning the room in search of his friends. He found Peter and James sitting at a table with the Prewitt twins, seemingly engaged in some sort of drinking game. Remus smiled to himself, shaking his head slightly, they would definitely regret that in the morning. Continuing his search, he spotted Sirius on the other side of the room. He was leaning casually against the wall, surrounded by a group of girls, who were all giggling prettily at something he had just said. 

Remus looked away, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy he felt in the pit of his stomach. He had been trying to ignore his growing feelings for his friend, but it appeared he wasn’t having much luck. Sirius made it very difficult not to be infatuated with him, which wasn't very fair. 

His attention was pulled back to Sirius and his gang of admirers by the sound of Sirius’ bark-like laugh. One of the girls was standing on her tiptoes, whispering in Sirius’ ear, her hand placed lightly on his forearm. Whatever she had said obviously amused him and a breath-taking smile lit up his face. 

Deciding he’d had enough of watching Sirius flirt, Remus slunk out through The Fat Lady’s portrait and into the empty corridor. He strolled along, before coming to a stop at one of the large arched windows. Looking out, he could see the almost half moon that hung high in the sky. He supposed it could be considered beautiful, but for him, its beauty was overshadowed by the knowledge of what it did to him. It was difficult to appreciate the moon’s appearance when once a month it turned him into a terrifying monster, he thought, bitterly. There was a bit over a week until the next Full and Remus was already dreading it. True, the moons had been a lot better since his friends had started joining him in their animagus forms (and wasn’t that something in itself? That they loved him enough to do something so crazy and dangerous blew him away). But they were never going to be something he looked forward to. Not only was the pain of transforming unbearable, but on top of that, he lived in constant fear that one day the wolf would lash out and one of his friends would be seriously hurt. Or worse. 

“You disappeared” came a soft voice from beside Remus, breaking him out of his moon-induced worrying. He turned to find Sirius looking at him with concern. The soft light bleeding through the windows seemed to frame him in an almost ethereal glow, contrasting deeply with his tousled dark hair and highlighting his smooth, pale skin. 

Merlin, he was beautiful.

“It was pretty crowded in there, I just needed some air,” Remus lied. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Of course I noticed, Moons!” Sirius said, sounding a little affronted. “I always notice you, I miss you when you’re not there” he continued, more quietly.

“I didn’t mean for you to leave your party, you should be enjoying yourself, not out here with me.”

“Well I can’t enjoy myself if you’re out here,” Sirius stated, stepping into Remus space. “It’s my birthday and I want to be able to celebrate with my favourite people, that includes you, Re.”

Looking at him, Remus could tell that Sirius wasn’t drunk, a little tipsy maybe, but still in control of his actions. His sparkling grey eyes were focused and the sincerity he saw there made his heart ache a little bit. He was close now, so close that Remus could have counted the long dark eyelashes framing his gorgeous eyes if he’d wanted to. 

“Well that’s lucky, because you’re one of my favourite people too, Pads,” Remus said softly

Sirius’ answering smile took his breath away.

“What did I ever do to deserve to have someone as wonderful as you in my life, Moons?” Sirius said quietly.

Remus wasn’t sure who moved, but he suddenly found himself inches away from Sirius, their noses almost touching. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and a pleasant fluttery feeling in his stomach. Sirius seemed to be equally affected. A light blush coloured his cheeks and Remus was sure he didn’t imagine the way his grey eyes darted down to Remus’ own lips. 

A part of Remus screamed at him to pull away; that this was a very dangerous path to start down. Sirius had been drinking, he wasn’t thinking straight, Remus told himself. And yet he couldn’t seem to pull away. It was as though Sirius had his own gravitational pull and it was dragging him closer in...

“There you two are!” James’ voice cut through the bubble they had found themselves in. “I’ve been looking all over for you! You’ve got to come and see this, the Prewitt’s gave Wormtail something and now he’s blowing rainbow coloured bubbles out of his nose! "

Without waiting for a response from either of the other two boys, James grabbed Sirius by the arm and started pulling him back towards the Common Room. 

“Come on, Moony! It’s brilliant!”

…

Later that night, Sirius lay in his bed, unable to switch his brain off and go to sleep. Thoughts of his encounter with Remus careened around his head, making it impossible to focus on anything else. He kept coming back to the same question; What would have happened if James hadn’t interrupted them at that moment?

He couldn’t explain himself, he just didn't know what had come over him in the corridor. All he knew was that, bathed in the moonlight as he had been, Remus had looked breath-taking. And he couldn’t lie to himself, he’d definitely felt _something _. Although what it was that he’d felt was a mystery to him.__

____

____

Was it a crush? Did he fancy Remus? Did he love him? 

Sirius had to stop himself from scoffing out loud. Of course he loved Remus. He loved him like he loved James and Pete… But that wasn’t quite right, was it? James was his brother, his partner in crime. And Pete was family too, someone he would stand with through thick and thin. Remus? Remus was that and more. He was the one who brought him balance; the one who could quiet his demons and who grounded him with his calming presence. Sirius knew that with absolute certainty that he was a better person for having Remus in his life. 

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh. He wasn’t getting anywhere with this! Affection and love had always been confusing topics for him. Growing up in Grimmauld Place, he hadn't exactly had any good examples of what it was meant to be like. He knew what his parents would say. They would be furious that he was even thinking like this. They would say that having feelings for another boy (especially a half-blood werewolf) was disgusting. But knowing this didn't help Sirius at all. He had long since stopped listening to anything his parents said. In fact, if his parents thought something was the case, Sirius tended to assume the opposite was true. This black and white way of thinking usually worked for him, but it wasn’t helping to make his muddled head any clearer in this instance. The only thing that he was confident of was that Remus was important to him and that he would never want to lose what they already had. He wouldn’t throw their friendship away over something that he couldn’t even understand himself. 

After what felt like hours of mulling all of this over, Sirius finally managed to drift off to sleep, his dreams filled with familiar brown curls and amber eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I'm 100% happy with this one, but I also don't know what I'd change. It might be one I come back to and edit at a later date, we'll see.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius makes the biggest mistake of his life.

It was the morning of the full moon and it had already gotten off to a bad start for Sirius. His mother, who had ignored his birthday almost two weeks before, had very thoughtfully sent him a Howler. This wasn’t unusual, the problem was that it had arrived in their dorm during their traditional pre-moon breakfast, his mother’s shrieking voice filling the small space easily. Remus had flinched, hands rising to cover his ears, a pained expression on his face. He was always more sensitive to sound on the day of the moon and his head was already killing him. 

“Get that fucking thing out of here, Sirius!” Remus had shouted, frustration and pain lacing his voice. “I can’t deal with your mental family right now!”

Sirius had run from the room, his mother’s letter still screaming in his hands. He tried to ignore the feeling of hurt that was creeping up on him. He knew that Remus’ anger wasn’t really directed at him, that he was just touchy because of the moon, but that did very little to diminish the sting of his words. 

Later that day, Remus had partnered with Lily in Charms instead of with Sirius, which made Sirius think that maybe the young werewolf actually was annoyed with him. He’d been worried about this happening since his birthday. Something had shifted that night. There was a weird tension between them that had never been there before. It was like they were teetering on the edge of something and it both excited and terrified him. As a result, he had been avoiding spending time alone with Remus, even though he wanted to do the opposite. Now he was beginning to fear that he had pushed his friend away. The truth was Remus felt terrible about shouting at Sirius earlier and was too ashamed to try and speak to him about it. 

It was evening now and, to top off Sirius’ bad day, he was running late to meet James and Peter to head down to the Shrieking Shack because he'd had to take a detour back to the common room so that he could avoid bumping into Narcissa and her awful boyfriend.

In his rush to get there in time, Sirius was barely paying attention to his surroundings. He ducked through one of the many secret passageways the Marauders had discovered in their late night escapades, bursting out into an empty corridor on the Sixth floor. Trusting his knowledge of the castle to get him where he needed to go, Sirius sprinted blindly round the next corner and nearly collided with the one person in the school he least wanted to see. Severus Snape.

“Watch where you’re going, Black!” Snape spat, glaring daggers at him. He then moved slightly so that he was blocking Sirius’ way, it was clear he was ready for a fight. 

Sirius groaned; he really didn’t have time for this. “Move, Snivellous, I’ve got better things to do than talk to you.”

"Ah yes, you’ve got to go and find your blood traitor friends. It’s not like you to be without them, a lone wolf, one might say,” Snape said with a sly smile. “Although, maybe that applies more to that freak, Lupin.”

Sirius felt as though he'd been doused in ice water. He understood what Snape was hinting at; he knew Remus’ secret. 

“Got nothing to say, Black? Not so brave when you’ve not got your _pack _with you, eh?”__

__There was a part of Sirius that ached to just hex Snape in his stupid Slytherin face, but a more sensible part of him reminded him that he needed to get down to the Shrieking Shack tonight and getting a detention for duelling in the corridor would not help with that._ _

__“At least I have friends, Snivelly,” he responded, stomping down the urge to do more._ _

__“I have friends, Black, you should know really, one of them is your brother.”_ _

__Sirius froze. Snape had hit a nerve there and he knew it._ _

__“It turns out that Regulus and I share a lot of common interests,” Snape continued. “He’s a good kid, he’s got his head on right, not like his older brother. Your parents must be so relieved that at least one of you isn’t a complete disgrace.”_ _

__Sirius couldn’t bring himself to respond. His family had always been a touchy topic for him, and he could feel his anger at Snape for daring to bring it up rising. But Snape kept going, twisting the knife in further._ _

__“Yes, Regulus is the perfect little Pureblood son and he’s making all the right connections to really set him up for greatness outside of school. I hear that the Dark Lord himself has taken interest in him. Maybe he’ll come along to one of our little meetings over the holidays? Someone’s got to undo the damage that you’ve done to the Black family name.”_ _

__“Shut up, Snape,” Sirius snarled. “Reg isn’t like that, he isn’t like you and your psychotic friends.”_ _

__“And you’d know that would you, Black?” Snape drawled. “Remind me when the last time you spoke to your brother was? It seems I spend more time with him than you do. You’re too busy wasting your life with your freaky friends.”_ _

__The ice Snape was skating on was getting pretty thin and, as much as Sirius was trying to tamper down his rage, he knew he was fighting a losing battle and worried he would do something he’d regret. He’d always had a problem with controlling his emotions, it was something that got him in a lot of trouble at home. It wasn’t always a bad thing, he loved as recklessly and passionately as he hated, but it could be dangerous and right now he could see the warning signs. He often felt as though a storm raged inside of him, which couldn’t be contained or controlled. It wasn’t the sort of storm that you could watch in awe from your warm living room, but the type of storm that devastated entire towns, bringing down trees, destroying property and flooding streets._ _

__Sometimes he felt more storm than boy._ _

__“That’s where you’re going now, isn’t it?,” Snape probed, seeming intent on pushing Sirius over the edge. “It’s a full moon tonight and Lupin always disappears on a full moon, it doesn’t take a lot to work out why.”_ _

__Sirius had to remind himself to keep breathing._ _

__“I’ve guessed his little secret, it’s a joke that Dumbledore let a monster like that in!” Snape continued. “Unless he doesn’t know?”_ _

__Sirius glared at him dangerously, his control slipping at Snape’s use of the word “monster”. Remus was the kindest soul he’d ever met, he didn’t deserve to be called that._ _

__Taking Sirius’ silence for confirmation, Snape began to gloat. “I knew it! I knew you were up to something! I’ve got you now, wait until I tell everyone, you’ll all be expelled! You Potter and Pettigrew are all in on it and I’m going to find out where you go so I can prove it.” It was clear that Snape was already celebrating his victory, already relishing in destroying Remus and, by extension, the Marauders._ _

__Sirius couldn't think, Snape’s words echoed around his head, taunting him. He had to do something, had to stop Snape from going back to the Slytherin common room and revealing Remus’ secret. But he didn’t know what to do to stop him. He couldn’t think straight, his mind a mess of rage and fear and he hated Snape for making him feel so useless. He just needed quiet to focus and calm the storm. He needed the noise to stop so that he could breathe and think clearly again. And so his mouth supplied him with the words that would shut Snape up and bring that silence before his brain had a chance to catch up._ _

__“Proof? You would never have the balls to go down to The Whomping Willow to prove it, anyway.”_ _

__Sirius regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth._ _

__

__…_ _

__

__James and Peter were lounging on the comfy chairs by the fire in the common room when a frantic looking Sirius burst through the door._ _

__“Woah Padfoot, slow down,” James said, trying to calm his agitated friend. Sirius’ eyes were wide and panicked and he was visibly shaking. Seeing his obvious distress, James was immediately concerned._ _

__“Snape knows,” Sirius got out between panting breaths._ _

__“What do you mean, Pads?” James asked cautiously. He didn’t like where this was going._ _

__“Snape knows! He knows about Moony, he’s going to the Willow!”_ _

__James felt as though time had stopped. This was bad. This was really bad. A cold dread settled in his stomach as he came to a realisation about Sirius’ current state._ _

__“How does he know Sirius?” He asked quietly._ _

__“I...I ...told him,” Sirius muttered, looking away._ _

__James’ eyes widened in shock before his expression hardened. Without a word to Sirius, he turned on his heel and ran towards the door._ _

__“Where are you going?”_ _

__“I’m going to stop bloody Snape from getting himself killed!”_ _

__“I’ll come with you!”_ _

__“Don’t you think you’ve done enough, Sirius!” James snapped and then he was off, racing through the castle and praying that he wasn’t too late to fix Sirius’ mistake._ _

__

__..._ _

__

__James had managed to get to the Whomping Willow in time to stop Snape from getting himself killed, but not before he was able to confirm his suspicions about Remus. He had pulled a terrified Snape from the tunnel just in time and had managed to magically close the trapdoor that led to the Shack before Moony could get out. It had been a close call though._ _

__They had met Dumbledore on their way back into the castle. It appeared that Sirius had gone to him as soon as James had left to tell him what had happened. Dumbledore led them back to his office, where Sirius was already waiting. The look of pure relief that crossed his feature when he saw the two boys enter with the Headmaster quickly disappeared when Dumbledore started pulling apart the night’s events._ _

__Sirius and James were eventually dismissed so that Dumbledore could speak to Snape in private. As he showed them out of the room, Dumbledore had promised that he would ensure Remus’ secret stayed a secret, but gave no indication of how he would achieve this. They both knew they had gotten off reasonably lightly. James wouldn’t be receiving any punishment, but he also wouldn’t be receiving a reward for his bravery as that would draw unwanted attention. Sirius would be spending more evenings in detention than not for the foreseeable future and was banned from Quidditch for the rest of the year. He had accepted his punishment willingly, reminding himself that he deserved a lot worse._ _

__

__…_ _

__

__Sirius and James left Dumbledore’s office in an uncomfortable silence, both wrapped in their own thoughts. Sirius was occupied trying to verbalise an explanation, to make James understand how terrible he felt and how sorry he was in a way that didn’t make it seem like he was trying to get away with it. He knew there was no getting away with this, he’d fucked up astronomically and he was going to have to accept the consequences. At the same time, James was just trying to piece together how his best friend, his brother, could do something so awful, not just to his enemy, but to one of his friends._ _

__Sirius decided he had to say something, the tension was suffocating._ _

__“James, I-”_ _

__“What the hell were you thinking, Sirius!” James shouted, cutting him off. He was angrier at his best mate than he had ever been in all his time of knowing him. He couldn’t understand how he could be so reckless and stupid!_ _

__“I don’t know! I wasn’t thinking”_ _

__James scoffed, “That’s pretty obvious! Do you know what could have happened? Snape could have died! Moony could have killed him! And do you know what they would have done to Moony then?!”_ _

__“I know, Prongs! Fuck! Of course I know, I haven’t stopped thinking about it!”_ _

__“Then what the fuck happened, Sirius?” cried James, abruptly stopping, and standing in front of Sirius, blocking his way._ _

__“I don’t know, James,” Sirius answered honestly. “I don't know what came over me! I don’t know why I can’t think before I open my mouth, why I fuck everything up! But I never meant for anything like this to happen! I didn’t want to put you or Moony or even Snape in danger!”_ _

__Sirius paced back and forth in front of James, his hands tangled in his long hair, tugging it in frustration._ _

__“It’s just Snape, he cornered me and you know what he’s like! He knows exactly what buttons to push! He got to me and-”_ _

__"So you thought you’d use your friend to get your own back on him!? Your mum and dad would be so proud, Black," James spat._ _

__Sirius flinched slightly at his words. It was the first time James had ever called him by his last name and Sirius honestly thought it would have hurt less if he'd just hit him._ _

__“I’m sorry,” he whispered, all the fight leaving him in an instant. “I’m sorry.”_ _

__And he was. He was sorrier than he’d ever been for anything in his life. He wished that he had a Time Turner so that he could go back in time and curse his past self before he could even speak to Snape._ _

__James let out a tired sign. He believed that Sirius hadn’t wanted to hurt Moony, he really did. But what he had done was so far from okay that James was struggling to see how they'd get past it._ _

__“I’m not sure sorry is going to be enough this time, Sirius."_ _

__With that he turned his back to Sirius and headed back towards the Gryffindor Tower, leaving Sirius alone watching after him._ _

__

__..._ _

__

__The week following the full moon, Sirius made several attempts to try and talk to Remus. But the other boy was actively avoiding him and on the few occasions when Sirius did see him, he pointedly ignored him, refusing to listen to any of his explanations or apologies. The last words he had shared with him had been the morning after the moon. Sirius had insisted on being the one to tell Remus what had happened, he figured he owed him that at least and he had to take responsibility for his actions. It had been awful. The pain that was so obvious in Remus’ eyes had cut through Sirius like daggers and he knew that he would never forgive himself for putting it there._ _

__The hurt had been followed by anger. By Remus shouting at him to leave the hospital wing and to stay away from him, rage eclipsing the pain in his eyes. The anger was more familiar to Sirius, but it didn't hurt any less. He could understand it better than the other responses to his fuck up though and he knew that he deserved it. He had ruined the most sacred and important thing in his life and had hurt someone he loved and he had no one to blame but himself._ _

__Since then, Sirius had mostly been met by stony silences and cold stares whenever he had tried to approach any of the other Marauders. That was until his most recent attempt, when he had run after Remus as he left their Defence Against the Dark Arts class, hoping to catch him before he started his Prefect rounds. Sirius had caught up to him in a quiet corridor on the third floor. He had called after him, begging him to please give him a chance._ _

__Remus had turned around abruptly, his expression a battlefield as pain and anger warred for dominance. His shout had echoed around the near empty corridor, reverberating of the walls and in Sirius’ head._ _

__"GO AWAY SIRIUS!"_ _

__

__So Sirius did._ _

__The other boys didn't see him after that aside from in lessons, where he sat quietly at the back of the room and left the second they were dismissed. He even started to avoid their dormitory and took to sleeping in the Gryffindor common room or, more often, the Room of Requirement. That was when he did sleep. Most nights he just lay awake for hours, unable to switch off the voice in his head that constantly reminded him that he’d destroyed the only good thing in his life. He knew that any hatred Remus or the others might feel towards him paled in comparison to hatred he had for himself._ _

__Sirius had often felt like he was struggling to keep it all together, to put on a brave face and get on with things. But right now, without his friends beside him, he felt like he was coming apart at the seams._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, I couldn't decide how I wanted this to go down.  
> Hopefully the fact that this update is longer than usual makes up for the wait.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily Evans gets involved and starts to see a different side to The Marauders

It was late one night early December. Sirius was lounging in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. He knew James, Remus and Peter were upstairs in the boys’ dormitory, probably already asleep. The idea of sneaking up there and sleeping in his own bed (something he hadn’t done in weeks) had crossed his mind. It was much more cosy than the common room sofa or the bed supplied by the Room of Requirement. He figured he could be up and out in the morning before any of them knew he’d been there at all. The one thing that was stopping him doing just that was the voice in his head that reminded him that he didn’t deserve their company anymore. And if that meant that he had to deal with sleepless nights in uncomfortable beds, well then he had brought it on himself. He figured they wouldn’t want him up there anyway and he wasn’t going to force his presence on them. He’d caused them enough suffering. Especially Remus. He couldn’t even think about how much he’d hurt Remus.

He found himself picking apart the events of the previous full moon, trying to understand what was so wrong with him that he would make such a mess of everything. It was a question he'd come back to over and over since that night and he wasn't any clearer. His friends were everything to him. Since he’d met them in their first year, they had been the only constant good thing in his life. His actions that night hadn’t only hurt them, but had also been catastrophically self-destructive. 

Sirius’ musings were interrupted by Lily Evans stumbling through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. She didn’t notice him as she entered, her attention focused on the letter in her hand. Judging by the tears falling freely down her face whatever was in the letter was not good. Sirius, feeling like he was intruding on something personal, decided he had to make his presence known. Lily probably wouldn’t be happy knowing she had an audience. 

"Evans?" He called softly.

Lily jumped at the voice coming from over by the fireplace. She had thought the common room would have been empty at this time of night and she had certainly not expected to see Sirius Black. Of all the people who could have seen her like this, it had to be the most obnoxious and arrogant boy in her year, excluding maybe James Potter. 

Hastily wiping her tears, she glared at him. "What do you want, Black?" She snapped, not in the mood to put up with any of Sirius' usual teasing. Lily swore she saw Sirius flinch slightly at the use of his surname, but put it down to the flickering light from the fire. 

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked after a moment, ignoring her question. Lily was shocked for a moment by the concern lacing his voice; it was not a tone that she expected to hear from the young prankster. 

It was probably down to her surprise that Lily found herself shaking her head slightly at him in response instead of ignoring him and heading straight to the girl's during. She wouldn't normally give him the time of day.

Sirius seemed to consider her for a moment, probably equally confused by her response. Then he reached for something on the table next to him and turned back to face her.

“Do you want some chocolate?" He asked, sounding almost self-conscious. "It’s meant to cheer people up, at least that’s what Moon-” He cut himself off. “That’s what people say anyway,” he finished, holding out a bar of Honeydukes finest. 

Cautiously, Lily approached the sofa, still unsure whether she should trust Sirius or whether this was going to end up being part of some elaborate prank. Searching his face, she found nothing but sincerity and it was this that finally convinced her to sit down and take the offered piece of chocolate. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Sirius asked after a moment, breaking the silence that had befallen them.

"It's nothing really," Lily said, "Just a stupid letter from home."

"It’s not nothing if it's upset you this much," Sirius pointed out softly.

Lily considered her options. She could either end this conversation now and head up to bed, where she would probably lie awake stewing over the letter for a few hours before she eventually fell asleep. Or she could stay and talk to Sirius and get her frustrations off of her chest. The risk of this, of course, was that Sirius may live up to her opinion of him as an arrogant bully and tease her about it. But that’s not what she was seeing right now and if she was honest, the letter had upset her and the thought of venting for a bit was definitely appealing. She decided to take the risk. Besides, if Sirius decided to be an arse, her Bat-Bogey hex was exceptionally good. 

“It’s my sister, Petunia, she’s getting married," Lily explained.

"That doesn't explain why you're upset," Sirius responded. "Do you not like her fiancé or something?"

Lily scoffed. “I haven’t even met him,” she said. “Petunia doesn’t want me to meet him because she thinks I’m a freak. That’s the gist of the letter, she’s invited him over to meet mum and dad, but she doesn’t want me there.” 

Lily could feel herself tearing up again and wiped angrily at her eyes, she didn’t want Sirius to see her crying again. 

“Why does she think you’re a freak?” Sirius asked, looking slightly confused. 

“Because of what I am,” Lily whispered. “She’s a muggle, Sirius, my whole family are. She doesn’t understand about all this” she said gesturing around them. “She thinks that I’m a freak because I’m a witch.” 

Once Lily had started opening up, she felt as though a dam had broken and she couldn't stop. With every word she said, she felt a weight lifting off of her shoulders and she was surprised at how easy she was finding it to talk to Sirius. 

"It's just, we used to be so close and now she barely talks to me," Lily continued. "I just want things to go back to how they were, but it's like the more I try, the more she pulls away. I just don’t know what to do to make it better again."

“I get it," Sirius reassured her. "Me and my brother were really close until I came to Hogwarts” he shrugged, “It’s hard to miss someone you still see.”

"What happened?"

"Well, I guess in my family I'm the odd one out, like you. We don't see eye to eye. Mum and Dad don't approve of anything I do and Reggie listens to them."

Lily detected something evasive in his voice, like there was a lot more to the story than he was saying.

"I'm sorry," she offered gently. "I suppose I shouldn't complain too much, at least I still have my parents on side"

Sirius laughed humourlessly. "Trust me, I wouldn't want to be on the same side as my parents. But I live in hope that one day Reg might come round."

It was nice finally getting to talk to someone about her relationship with Petunia without being judged. She'd tried talking to Severus about it before, but he had never really understood. He'd always just brushed Petunia's feelings off because she was a Muggle and he said that she just didn't understand. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to understand the complexities of a difficult sibling relationship and could empathise with her. She was beginning to realise they had more in common than she'd ever thought. 

"I reckon your sister could come round too," Sirius' voice broke through her thoughts. She gave him a questioning look in response.

"Yeah, the way I see it she’s probably a bit jealous of you, but she just needs time to adapt. Don’t get me wrong, I think the Muggle world is awesome, they’re so clever with their electricity and the music is great! But imagine knowing about all the stuff in the magical world, and not being able to access it? That would be really hard.”

"You think that's it?"

"Definitely, or it plays a part anyway. I'd be jealous of Reg if he got to come here every year and I was stuck at home with my hag of a mother," he said with a smile. Lily returned the smile, feeling a lot better than she had when she had first entered the room.

"Thank you, Sirius. I really appreciate you listening to me moan about this, " Lily said, sincerely. "It's been nice to see that you do have a setting other than arrogant toerag," she added playfully.

“No problem, Red," Sirius replied with a cheeky grin. "And if your sister doesn’t come round, it’s her loss, you're pretty cool, even if you are a prefect."

“You think so?”

“Yeah, there’s a reason James likes you so much after all” he said with a wink.

Lily rolled her eyes at that. Of course Sirius would bring James Potter into this, he was his best friend after all… Or was he? She hadn’t seen them together for a few weeks and there were rumours going around that they had fallen out. 

“What happened between you guys anyway?” Lily asked, her curiosity creeping in. She instantly regretted it when Sirius' face closed off and a dullness replaced the spark in his eyes.

“I messed up” he said bluntly and looked away.

Lily wished she could take back her question, it was clearly a sore point for Sirius and asking so directly had been tactless. She opened her mouth to speak, an apology on her lips, but was interrupted. 

“It’s late Lily, you should probably get to bed, wouldn’t want to fall asleep in Charms tomorrow” Sirius joked with a forced smile. 

“What about you?” Lily asked. She knew she’d put her foot in it, Sirius had made it clear that the conversation was over. 

"I'll head up in a minute, don't feel you've got to stay up for me"

Lily wasn't convinced. She didn't really want to leave Sirius, not when he suddenly looked so worn. But equally, she could tell that she'd been dismissed. It was obvious that he no longer wanted company.

She started to make her way to the stairway leading to the girl’s dormitory, feeling uneasy. Her instinct was pulling her back, telling her to stay with Sirius, to try and get that smile back on his face. She turned back to look at him again, his melancholy figure strengthening her resolve. However, just as she had decided to head back and join him on the sofa, Sirius caught her looking. Another unconvincing smile graced his lips, replacing the lost expression that she had just witnessed. 

"Night, Evans" he called softly. Then with a small wave, he got up off the sofa and headed towards the portrait hole. 

Lily felt as though she should top him. It was well past curfew and he definitely shouldn’t be wandering the halls. But she could tell that he wanted some space and she didn’t want to push him further than she already had tonight. So against her better judgement, Lily watched the young Black Heir leave the warmth of the Common Room. 

"Goodnight, Sirius," Lily whispered to his retreating figure. 

…

Over the next few days, Lily found herself keeping an eye out for Sirius to see how he was doing. She hated to admit it, but their conversation the other night had really helped her feel better and had allowed her to see a different, gentler side to the usually loud and obnoxious boy. 

What she saw worried her. Sirius seemed to be a shadow of his usual self, only appearing for lessons and then vanishing. She didn’t even see him at meals in the Great Hall. And while his absences were worrying, what concerned Lily more was his appearance. The constant smirk and proud walk that Lily had come to expect from the young Black had gone. Instead Sirius walked with slumped shoulders, his eyes turned down and circled by dark rings. And his trademark grin was replaced by a smile that never quite met his eyes. 

A few days later after their conversation in the Common Room, Lily found Sirius hiding out in one of the lesser visited corners of the library. 

"Enough is enough" she said, dropping her books down on the table and sitting next to him. "I've had enough of your moping, it's time you and the others sorted whatever this is out."

“Hello to you too,” Sirius responded sarcastically.

“I’m serious”

“No, I’m Sirius,” Sirius responded, his usual joke sounding more like an obligation than a punchline. 

Lily rolled her eyes at him. She was not buying his act.   
“Sirius, I mean it. You can’t go on like this, I don’t know what happened, but it’s obvious that you’re miserable. Maybe if you just talk to the others, or I could talk to them for you? I see Remus for Prefect rounds all the time. I’ll even speak to Potter if it’s going to help!”

“Look Red, I know you’re trying to help and I appreciate it, but you’re wasting your time. They don’t want to talk to me and I can’t blame them. If you knew what I’d done, you wouldn’t be talking to me either, so just leave it.”

With that, Sirius grabbed his back, stuffing his books into it as he went and got up from the table. Without even a glance back in her direction, he strode out of the library.

Lily watched after him, her concern growing. She knew she needed to do something. It was obvious that Sirius was struggling and it just wasn't in her nature to ignore someone who was hurting. Call her a bleeding heart, but she couldn't help it, Sirius Black was like a kicked puppy when he was upset.

Lily knew that if she was going to do anything to help Sirius, she was going to have to do something she usually avoided like the plague. She was going to have to talk to James Potter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily talks to James and Sirius has an unexpected encounter

Early on in her Hogwarts career, Lily Evans had decided that she would steer clear of the so-called Marauders. They were loud, childish and thought they were better than everyone else and she had no desire to spend any time with them. Her opinion had started to change slightly when she had spent a term partnered with Remus for Transfiguration during their second year. Remus was caring, sweet and very quick-witted, she couldn’t understand how he could bear to spend so much time with the others. He had insisted that they weren’t as bad as Lily thought they were and that she didn’t see the side of them that he saw and he often remarked on how lucky he was to have friends like them, a sentiment that Lily always thought was the wrong way round. 

She supposed she’d never really had a problem with Peter Pettigrew, he was fairly inoffensive, but he was too quick to do anything that Potter or Black told him to do and obviously looked up to them far too much. It was Potter and Black that she really couldn’t stand. They were the epitome of spoilt rich boys everywhere. They were arrogant, brash and sometimes verged on cruel. Lily had been certain that her opinion on this would not be changed. But then over the last few weeks, she’d seen a different side to Sirius Black and had once again come to question her initial judgement of the group. The Sirius she had recently been spending time with was not the loud egotistical boy she had always thought him to be. He was softer, more understanding and caring. He had listened to her worries and had not judged her, but made her feel better about them and she thought that she was finally getting a glimpse of the boy that Remus had told her about. 

She'd noticed something else too. Underneath it all, both the bravado and the tenderness, was an aura of sadness that she'd never noticed before. A pain that had no right being in the eyes of someone their age. Lily hated it. Sirius Black should not be so quiet and withdrawn and...broken. She couldn’t believe she was saying this, but she actually missed his usual noise and drama and she was committed to try and do something about it. 

...

A few days after her conversation with Sirius in the Library, Lily found her chance to put her plan into action. She had continued to look out for Sirius the past few days, but he had been more elusive than ever and she started to think that he was maybe avoiding her as well as his friends. She had managed to speak to him briefly when they had been partnered up in Muggle Studies, but he had kept the conversation strictly work based. He was shutting her out and it was doing absolutely nothing to reduce her worry. It was this worry that prompted her to voluntarily seek out James Potter during one of their shared free periods. 

She caught him on his way back up to the Gryffindor Common Room and, luckily for her, but unusually for him, he was alone. 

"Potter, I need to speak to you for a minute," she called after him. 

James turned, a look of surprise on his face. Of all the things that he had thought would happen to him today, Lily Evans willingly wanting to talk to him had not been one of them. There was a millisecond where his first instinct was to turn and gloat to Sirius that Evans had finally realised her undying love for him. But then he remembered that Sirius wasn’t there, which dampened his excitement about the encounter considerably. 

Lily watched a strange look flicker across James’ face, before he gave a slight nod. Lily led him into one of the empty classrooms and closed the door behind them. 

“How can I help you, Evans?” James said, leaning casually against one of the desks. 

Lily looked at him, taking in his stance and expression. To the casual observer, James looked cool and collected, but Lily could see signs of stress in the slight tautness in his smile and the tiredness in his eyes. 

“I need to talk to you about Sirius”

It was obvious that he hadn’t been expecting this line of conversation. The calm look fell from his face immediately and was replaced by a sombre expression. He looked worn. 

“Evans…” he started, sounding resigned.

“Just listen for a minute James,” Lily pleaded. “I know that he messed up, I know that he did something terrible, but I’m worried about him.”

“Wait, he told you?”

"No,” she sighed. “He won't tell me what happened, just that it's his fault and that he deserves to be alone. But it's tearing him up. He's not sleeping, he's barely eating and he’s pushing everyone away. I think he's punishing himself for whatever he did without realising that's what he's doing. He’s definitely not looking after himself."

James cursed and looked away. Sensing that he wasn’t going to add anything else, Lily continued. 

"I don't know what he did, I don't know if it is unforgivable like he seems to think, but what I do know is that he's sorry. I don't think I've ever seen someone so remorseful."

James looked back at Lily then and she was surprised to see tears in his eyes. The whole situation had obviously affected all of the boys a lot more than Lily had ever realised. 

“I don’t know what to do, Lily,” he whispered, looking lost. “What he did was stupid and reckless and we’re lucky that it didn’t end up a lot worse that it did. If it was just me and him, maybe it would be different, but he hurt Moony and I don’t know that he can undo that. He’s my brother, Lily and I love him, but he really fucked up this time and I just...I don’t know” he trailed off. 

James appreciated Lily's concern, Sirius needed people looking out for him. But worrying about Sirius was his full-time occupation and their falling out had not stopped that. The problem was that he also worried about Remus, who was definitely the victim here and needed James to stand by him. It wasn’t like he wanted to choose sides, he just didn’t feel like he had a choice and it wasn’t helped by the fact that he never saw Sirius now anyway. 

"I don't know how to fix this," James said, fingers tugging his hair in frustration. "Sirius won't speak to me, I never see him. When I do see him, he disappears before I have the chance to do anything! I can’t try and help him if he won’t let me." 

Lily had watched James in silence as he spoke. She was shocked by the pure emotion in his voice and it hit her just how much James Potter cared about his friends. Whatever was happening between them was clearly hurting him, but he was still there fighting to hold the group together. She found herself wanting to comfort him, to try and reduce the stress that was clearly weighing on him so heavily. 

Stomping down the urge to reach out to him, Lily asked the question that had been on her mind since James had mentioned Remus’ name.

“Was it because of Remus’...condition? Did Sirius react badly?”

James’ eyes snapped to her, suddenly alert and cagey. 

“How long have you known?”

“I worked it out last year,” she responded. “The monthly disappearances all just clicked into place, especially when you guys started calling him Moony, it’s not very subtle,” she said with a flight eye roll. 

James nodded slightly in acknowledgement. “It’s not that,” he said firmly. “We worked it out in Second year, it doesn’t change anything. Sirius doesn’t care that Remus is a werewolf, he loves him and nothing changes that. Sirius would do anything for him, he just made a really stupid mistake and it’s going to take Moony some time. I wish I had a better answer, Lily, I really do, but it’s not as easy as that.”

Lily was surprised to see a tear escape James’ eye. He quickly wiped it away, but the sadness on his face was not so easy to erase. His looked at her, his eyes begging her for an answer. 

“Tell me what to do, Lily. How do I fix this?”

And Lily really didn’t know what to say or how to make this better, so she did the only thing she could think to do. Reaching out, she pulled James Potter towards her into a warm hug and hoped for something to happen to help these boys find their happiness again. 

…

At around the same time that Lily was talking to James, in another part of the castle a very different conversation was taking place. 

Sirius was sitting on one of the balconies on the Astronomy Tower, muggle cigarette hanging from his lips and legs dangling over the edge into the open air. Technically the tower was off limits to students unless they were in lesson, but that had never deterred Sirius. He liked coming up here to be alone and to think. If he was honest, at the moment he was hiding from Lily Evans. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy her company, because he did. But he didn’t deserve her sympathy and it would be better for her if he stayed away. He had a proven track record of hurting the people he cared about and he wasn’t about to add Lily to that list.

“Mother would kill you if she saw you with those things” came a voice from behind him, causing him to jump, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Shit Reggie,” Sirius gasped. “You can’t sneak up on a bloke like that when he’s sitting on the edge of a building!”

“You wouldn’t have fallen," Regulus said petulantly. "And please don't call me Reggie."

“I could’ve done, and then where would we be? I think even our messed up family might have a problem with fratricide." He paused, seeming to think for a moment.  
“Actually, Mother would probably have quite liked that, you missed a chance to forever secure your place as favourite."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sirius," Regulus replied, rolling his eyes. "Mother doesn't _actually _want you dead."__

__Sirius made a non-committal noise in response. Maybe he was exaggerating by implying that Walburga would be pleased if he were dead, but then again, she wasn't exactly pleased that he was alive._ _

__Regulus made a frustrated sound. He'd never understood Sirius' need to be antagonistic, it always got him in trouble. If he just shut up and did as he was told, their mother would be much more forgiving. He was about to tell Sirius this in a repeat of a conversation they'd had dozens of times. But he stopped himself, he knew how those conversations ended and he wasn’t here to push Sirius away. Sighing, he tried again._ _

__"Look Sirius, I didn't come here to argue with you, I actually wanted to talk."_ _

__Sirius’ head snapped up to look at his brother._ _

__“You wanted to talk to me?” He couldn’t remember the last time his brother had sought him out to talk to him._ _

__“I wanted to ask if you would come home for Christmas.”_ _

__Sirius turned, looking back over the castle grounds. He felt more at home here than he ever had at Grimmauld Place and the thought of leaving scared him. Hogwarts had felt incredibly lonely the past few weeks, but it was still better than whatever waited for him back in London._ _

__“I dunno, Reg, you know it’s not good for me there. I can’t be what they want me to be and no one wants me there anyway,” Sirius said finally._ _

__“I want you to be there,” Regulus muttered, causing Sirius to look at him in shock. “I want to spend some time with you again and it’s not like we can do that at school. It’s not the same at home when it’s just me and them.”_ _

__Sirius looked at his brother for a long moment. They looked so similar, their family connection undeniable. Reg was slightly smaller and his hair was cut shorter, in a neat style that their Mother would have picked out and where Sirius’ uniform was scruffy, his tie undone and shirt untucked, Regulus’ was pristine, not a crease in sight. Sirius reflected that this was the longest conversation he’s had with his brother in months and that hurt. Their parents had made it clear when Sirius was sorted that they were not to spend time together for fear of Sirius corrupting Regulus with his “traitorous” ways and for the past few years, Sirius had been under the impression that his brother agreed with them. But here he was reaching out to him, asking him to spend time together.  
Sirius felt a glimmer of hope that maybe Regulus hadn’t been completely corrupted by their parents and their Pureblood ideologies, that if he was asking for Sirius, he might actually be interested in still having a relationship with his older brother. If he could just nurture that interest, Sirius hoped that he might be able to win his baby brother back. _ _

__He could imagine James now, reminding him that he'd agreed to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas and telling him that there was no way in hell he was letting him go home.  
But James wasn't here to tell him that, Sirius' own recklessness had made sure of that. He'd betrayed his friends and broken their trust. What was one more broken promise? _ _

__

__"Okay, Reg," Sirius said softly. "I'll come home."_ _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Christmas holidays are fast approaching and James finds something out that he is deeply unhappy about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of child abuse

The end of term that year was strange for everyone. The whole school had noticed the schism that had formed between Sirius and his friends, it was impossible not to. Usually in the lead up to Christmas, the four Marauders could be found spreading festive cheer through a number of harmless, but extravagant, pranks. It had become a bit of a tradition and students usually looked forward to it (unless they were in Slytherin house, they tended to take the brunt of the pranks). By comparison, the lead up to Christmas this year was a rather subdued affair. In spite of this, the Hogwarts staff had ensured that the castle was decorated to its usual breathtaking standard. Hagrid had sourced huge trees to line the Great Hall, which had been decorated with magical snow and miniature stars that changed colour throughout the day. The House Elves had decorated all the common rooms with garlands of Holly and mistletoe and the many suits of armour around the castle had been enchanted to sing Christmas carols. It was impossible not to be at least a little impressed by the beauty of Hogwarts at Christmas and, by the time the end of term feast arrived, most students were getting into the festivities. 

The only people that seemed unaffected by it all were James, Remus and Peter. The three boys had been rather subdued since the incident at the last full moon and were heading towards the holidays without their usual enthusiasm. Sirius' absence was definitely felt and, despite lingering feelings of anger and betrayal, they all missed his presence. The Marauders weren't quite the same without him. James had hoped that something might have changed by the holidays. He didn't like the idea of ending the year on such bad terms, but he knew it wasn't really his call. Still, he wished he'd had the chance to speak to Sirius before going home for the holidays. He was worried about him and right now, his concern outweighed his anger. It had been this way since his conversation with Lily, but he just hadn't had the opportunity to get Sirius alone and unfortunately, he was heading home in the morning, so it seemed he'd missed his chance. Sirius was meant to be staying at school for the holidays and James couldn't help but wonder if he would return to sleeping in their dormitory now that he'd be the only one there. Maybe he could leave him a note before he left?

It was this thought that had James' attention as he, Peter and Remus left their last class of the day and started making their way to the Great Hall for the feast. Reaching one of the many staircases, James made a decision.

"I'm going to run my bag upstairs, I won't want to have to carry it after I've pigged out at the feast" he said to his two friends. 

"That's not a bad call, we'll come up with you" came Peter's reply. 

"Nah, you two go ahead and save us a good seat, I'll take your stuff too. I'll be quicker by myself" James said with a smile. If he was going to leave a note, he wanted to do it in private. He wasn't sure how the others would feel about him reaching out to Sirius.

Peter handed his bag over willingly, he was quite happy to not have to make the trek back up to the Gryffindor common room again. Remus was slightly more hesitant, his eyes searching James' face for any clue of what he was planning. He must have been satisfied with what he saw and after a moment, he also handed his back to James. 

"Won't be long, lads" James said and with a small wave, he turned and headed up the stairs. 

...

James entered the Gryffindor boy's dormitory and froze. In front of him with his back to the door, was Sirius Black. James watched quietly, surprise at seeing Sirius causing him to forget his original plan. It was only after a moment that he registered the open trunk and pile of clothes that Sirius seemed to be putting away. It was this that finally broke him from his stupor. 

"What are you doing?"

Sirius flinched at the sound, dropping the shirt he had been holding. He felt like a thief who had just been caught red-handed.

"Sorry, I thought you'd all be at dinner now. I'm just about finished, I'll be out of your way in a minute" Sirius said, his back still to James as he resumed folding his clothes neatly to be put in his trunk. 

"No, Sirius, I didn't mean what are you doing here, I meant what are you _doing _?"__

__There was a brief pause before Sirius muttered "packing"._ _

__

__"Packing" James repeated dumbly. "Why would you need to pack when you're staying at Hogwarts for the holidays?"_ _

__

__"Change of plans" Sirius mumbled, still refusing to look up from his task. The air seemed to become thick in the pause that followed, the tension palpable._ _

__

__"No"_ _

__

__The word was loud and sharp in the silence and Sirius, surprised by the force behind the statement, stopped what he was doing and looked at his friend for the first time since he had entered the room._ _

__

__"No" James repeated, "you're not going back there."_ _

__

__"James…"_ _

__

__"No, listen here Sirius, I don't know what you think you're doing going back to that house, but you can go ahead and unthink it!"_ _

__

__He had stepped closer to Sirius now, it was the closest he’d been to the older boy since that awful Full Moon. Up close, he could see the impact the estrangement had had on his best friend. He looked skinnier than he had been, his robes seeming to hang off of him and James was struck by the realisation that he hadn’t seen Sirius at any meals in weeks. His usually proud face was gaunt and his eyes, which were red rimmed and surrounded by dark bags, lacked their usual spark of mischief. James' heart ached seeing his usually upbeat friend so defeated and downtrodden._ _

__

__"I know things haven't been great between us, but I still care about you! Do you really think I'm going to let you go back to that hell hole after what you told us!"_ _

__

__Yes, Sirius had messed up badly, but that didn’t mean he deserved what was surely waiting for him at home. And it certainly didn't mean James was going to let him go back without a fight. As it was, he had no idea what could possibly possess Sirius to want to return to a house where he suffered regular abuse. Then his thoughts turned back to his conversation with Lily, how she was worried that he wasn’t looking after himself. How she had said that she thought he was punishing himself for what happened with Remus._ _

__

__“Fuck Siri, is this your way of trying to punish yourself for what happened? Go back home and let your parents beat the shit out of you? Do you know how fucked up that is!”_ _

__

__“No!" Sirius cried, "It’s got nothing to do with what happened with Snape" he continued more quietly._ _

__

__“Then what is it Sirius? What reason could you possibly have for wanting to go back there?”_ _

__

__There was a pause and James was sure that Sirius wasn’t going to answer him at all._ _

__

__"Reg asked me to go back and I have to… I can't…" he dragged his fingers through his hair, tugging it in frustration as he tried to get the words out. "I know it's crazy, but he's my baby brother, James! He needs me!"_ _

__

__This was the first time James had spoken to him in weeks and Sirius was struggling to keep himself together. He wasn't ready for this. He'd expected James to be angry at him still, to hate him. That's what he deserved. He wasn't prepared for concern or the obvious care James still felt for him as he fought with him not to go home. He didn't know how to convince his friend to let him go._ _

__

__How could he explain to James what it felt like for him without revealing how fucked up he was and worrying him even more?_ _

__

__Because he couldn't tell James that recently, the storm that so often raged inside him had become a full blown hurricane and it was wreaking havoc on everything around him. He had tried so hard for so long to batten down the hatches and wait it out, but now he could feel it tearing up his foundations, ready to wash him away. The only lifeline he had to grab on to, to try and save himself from the deluge, was the chance at fixing things with Regulus. He felt that he needed to take it or risk being lost in the devastation left in the storm's wake._ _

__

__No, he couldn't tell James that, so he settled for something simpler, but no less true._ _

__

__"I've fucked everything up here with you and Moony and Pete and I'm so fucking sorry, but I don't know how to fix it! And I thought I'd ruined things with Reg too, but if he's asking for me, maybe there's still something to save! I can't fuck this up too… I can't…"_ _

__

__He took a deep breath in, trying to compose himself._ _

__

__"If there is even the smallest chance that I can do something good, if I can help Reg, maybe fix things with him, then I have to take it, no matter the risk."_ _

__

__His eyes, glazed with unshed tears, were pleading with James to understand._ _

__

__"Please James…it's all I've got"_ _

__

__Surprised by the desperation lacing Sirius' voice, James stood stock still, unable to come up with a response. He really hated the idea of Sirius going back to Grimmauld Place, but he also knew that he was unlikely to convince him not to when Regulus was involved. Sirius' relationship with his brother had been strained since he had been sorted into Gryffindor and they rarely got a chance to talk, but James knew that Sirius still loved him and would do anything for him. As unhappy as it made him, James knew Sirius well enough to know that he wasn't going to back down on this._ _

__

__"Please don't go back there," James said finally, his voice a quiet plea. "I hate knowing that every moment you're in that house you could be getting hurt"_ _

__

__"I've survived it for 16 years, James"_ _

__

__"As if that makes it better! You shouldn't have had to!"_ _

__

__"Maybe not," Sirius conceded, "but that doesn't change the fact that I have to go back."_ _

__

__Sirius shrugged and turned back to his packing, throwing the last few bits in his trunk, closing the lid and turning to head towards the door. James watched, feeling completely helpless. He knew that he'd lost, there was no way he was going to convince Sirius._ _

__

__"Okay" James's voice sounded defeated even to his own ears. "But you've got to promise me that you'll use your mirror to check in regularly. I mean it Sirius, if I don't hear from you every few days, I'm coming to London to get you myself!"_ _

__

__"I promise," Sirius said from his position by the door. "But you really shouldn't worry about me James, It's not worth your time." Then, with a last sad smile, Sirius was gone, leaving James alone in the room. As the door swung shut, James couldn't help but reflect in that moment, he was probably more worried about Sirius than he ever had been before._ _


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders head home for Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of injury

The next morning James woke and looked over at the bed next to him. As expected, it was empty and unslept in. James hadn’t seen Sirius since he had left the dorm after their conversation the night before. He had not attended the feast and it looked like he hadn’t returned to the Gryffindor Tower that evening. James tried to ignore the worry gnawing at him as he started getting ready for the day. He didn’t want the others noticing something was wrong if he could help it. Things were still shaky between them all and he wasn’t sure how they would take the news. But he couldn’t ignore the voice in his head that reminded him of the promise he had made at the start of term, the promise that he would keep Sirius safe. He hadn’t anticipated the biggest barrier to keeping that promise being Sirius himself. 

Throughout the morning, James tried to keep an eye out for his absent friend. He hoped that he might find another chance to talk some sense into him, to convince him to stay at Hogwarts, or come back to the Potter’s for the holidays. But Sirius wasn’t at breakfast and James didn’t catch sight of him while they were getting in the carriages which took them to Hogsmeade station. He suspected that Sirius had probably snuck down to the station alone while everyone else had been at breakfast and James cursed the fact that being a Marauder had made Sirius exceptionally good at sneaking out of the castle. When James had done a lap of the train and still hadn't found him, he knew it was a lost cause and made his way back to Remus and Peter, shoulders slumped in defeat.

The train journey home was unusually quiet. James, Peter and Remus were sitting together in their usual compartment, but it felt too big for just the three of them and the usual teasing and joking was noticeably absent.

Remus had taken a seat in the corner and had hidden behind his book as soon as the train had started moving. He had barely said a word since they had left the castle, only answering when spoken to directly. Peter, on the other hand, had barely shut up. Long silences made him uncomfortable and he had a habit of filling them with fairly inane chatter to calm himself. James attempted to follow Peter’s rambling and to respond to his questions, but he had to admit, his mind was elsewhere. 

After a few hours, Peter had run out of idle chit chat and decided to bring out his exploding snap deck instead. James agreed to play, hoping it would distract him from his worries for the rest of the journey. Unfortunately, he was not so lucky. As they drew closer to London, he could barely focus on the game, his mind too clouded by worry for Sirius. After another snap deck exploded in James’ face (the fourth so far), Peter had had enough, it was obvious that his friend's head wasn’t in the game. 

"What's up Prongs, you've been distracted all day" came Pete's voice, breaking James out of his thoughts. James sighed and tiredly rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

"I'm worried about Sirius," he admitted. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Remus startle slightly at the mention of the other boy before seeming to return his attention to the book in his hands. 

"He'll be okay, he can manage two weeks at Hogwarts by himself," Peter shrugged.

"He's not staying at Hogwarts"

"WHAT?" 

Remus' had dropped his book and his full attention was now on James. "What do you mean he's not staying at Hogwarts?"

James looked away. "He's going home," his voice was so low it was almost a whisper. “I caught him packing last night.”

“And you just let him go ahead with it?” Remus said accusingly

“Of course not! But you know how he is once he’s decided something! Besides, he said Regulus asked him to come back and... Well you know what he's like when it comes to Regulus."

Remus sighed. He did know. He knew that Regulus was a bit of a blindspot for Sirius and that the usual rules went out the window when it came to his brother. Sirius was possibly the most stubborn person he knew and even with James’ most convincing argument, there would have been no moving him on this. 

“I told him it was a terrible idea, but he wouldn’t hear it,” James continued. “I told him that I hate that he's going back there, I begged him not to. I tried, Remus!”

There was a desperation in James’ voice and his eyes begged Remus to believe him. Remus immediately felt bad for his suggestion that James had let Sirius go. This was James Potter he was talking to. James, who would do absolutely anything for his friends, there was no way that he would have just let Sirius go without a fight. 

Remus deflated. "I know you did, Prongs," he sighed. "You wouldn't have just let him go, I'm sorry."

James sank back into his seat, looking tired. "I did make him promise to use the mirrors to check in," he said. "It's not a lot, but at least that way I'll know he's alive."

The silence that followed his statement was deafening.

"Do you really think it's that bad?" Peter asked timidly, a look of horror on his face. "I mean, it's only two weeks, surely it can't get that bad."

James didn’t know what to say. He knew Peter was looking for some reassurance, but he couldn’t provide it. Sure two weeks might not seem like a long time, but it was much longer than he was happy with Sirius being in harm's way. A look shared with Remus told him he was thinking the same thing; a lot could happen in two weeks.

…

The rest of the journey passed in near silence. There wasn't anything any of the boys could say to improve the situation and any excitement they'd had about returning to their families for the holidays had been extinguished by the thought of Sirius returning to his. 

Remus had given up on reading his book, he couldn’t concentrate on the words in front of him anymore, his thoughts kept going back to Sirius. Over the past few weeks, any mention of the older Black brother had been met by intense feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. But now, for the first time since the full moon, there was something else. Fear and concern eclipsed the anger and a desperate desire to see the older boy and talk to him replaced the previous need to avoid him at all costs. Remus was surprised to find that, underneath all the negative emotions he had been feeling, there was also a flicker of affection that refused to be extinguished. 

Yes, he was still angry with the other boy, but no amount of anger would stop him caring about Sirius. The memory of Sirius’ injuries at the start of term was seared into his brain, providing Remus with a vivid insight into the danger that awaited him. When he thought of the bruises that had covered his friend’s back, he felt a surge of protectiveness and all he wanted to do was find Sirius and drag him back to the Lupin’s cottage for the holiday and never let him return to Grimmauld Place. If he didn’t know that James had already searched the train with no luck, he might have even tried. But now the train was slowing down and pulling in to Kings Cross Station and the chance was gone. 

The three boys slowly started getting their belongings together, a sombre silence surrounding them. They said their goodbyes on the platform, Peter spotting his mother and heading off first, keen to distract himself from his concern for his friend. James went next and if Remus noticed that he hugged him extra tightly and that his eyes darted around the platform, searching desperately, he didn’t say anything.

Remus found his parents standing further back from the crowd. He gave them a smile and small wave, acknowledging that he’s seen them, before turning back to look for Sirius one last time. In the now thinning crowd, he caught a glimpse of the raven haired boy standing completely alone on the platform. He watched as he took a breath, seeming to steel himself before walking towards his mother and brother, who were waiting by one of the barriers. Remus watched as Sirius reached them. No words of greeting passed between the family, no hugs or kisses or any sign of affection. Just stiff backs and a dismissive look before a perfectly manicured hand clamped down too tightly on Sirius' shoulder and they all disapperated away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thanks for the comments and Kudos! This is my first fic, so I'm really glad people are enjoying this story!
> 
> This is just a little filler to bridge the end of term and the boys returning home. Things are about to heat up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus receives a letter

The Lupins lived in a small cottage on the outskirts of a rural village in South Wales. It was quiet, cosy and unassuming; the perfect location for the small family who had a lot to hide and didn’t need nosy neighbours peeking over their fences. It wasn’t much when compared to the grandeur of Hogwarts. But Remus loved it all the same. Being in the countryside of his childhood home bought him a sense of comfort and serenity. 

His parents, Hope and Lyall, had been thrilled to see him after a term away and had bombarded him with questions about school and his friends the entire journey home. This had then bled into the evening once they had gotten home. Eventually Remus managed to escape to his room, claiming that he was ready for an early night after a long day of travelling. It wasn’t that he didn't appreciate his parents enthusiasm for having him home, but they kept asking him about his friends and he really wasn’t sure that was a topic he wanted to go into too much with them after the way term had ended. There was no way he was going to tell them about what had happened at the last Full Moon, they’d only worry. Besides, he found that he didn’t want his parents to think poorly of Sirius. They didn’t really know him and would be quick to pass judgement based just on that incident, which seemed kind of unfair. Remus could name a thousand other occasions where Sirius had been a great friend and he couldn’t tell his parents about some of those . Shaking himself, Remus looked around his room for some sort of distraction so that he could ignore the urge to delve deeper into why it mattered to him about what his parents thought of Sirius Black. 

Opening his trunk to dig out some pyjamas and possibly his book, Remus was confused to find a folded sheet of parchment on top of his clothes. He turned it over and almost dropped it in shock. On the front was his name, written in the very familiar elegant cursive of Sirius Black. So much for a distraction. 

A part of Remus, the part of him that was still furious, said to toss it without another glance. But another, stronger part urged him to give Sirius a chance. He'd ignored him for three weeks and that hadn't made him feel any better, perhaps it was time to see whether hearing him out would give them both a chance to heal. Hands shaking slightly, Remus unfolded the note and began to read.

  
  
  


_Moony,_

_I hope you're reading this and haven't just thrown it away, though I wouldn't blame you if you had._

_I messed up big time and I don’t think I’ll ever find the words to express how sorry I am, so I’m not going to try. I’m not writing to ask for your forgiveness, I know what I did was unforgivable, but I can’t leave things like they are._

_I know that you nearly lived your biggest fear that night and it was my fault. My actions made you feel like a monster, but I need you to know that you could never be a monster to me, Moons, and I will never forgive myself for making you feel like one. You are one of the best people I know. You are strong and kind and smart and wickedly funny. You're so beautiful to me, inside and out._

_And you deserve a better friend than me._

_I hope that you can believe that I never wanted to hurt you, or even Snape. I didn't think, I never do. I don't know why I'm like this- why I can't think before I act, why I always fuck things up and hurt the people I care about. But I know that it’s a part of me like the Wolf is a part of you. It’s bred into my bones and as much as I try to fight it, sometimes I just lose control and the damage is done._

_So there it is, I didn't send Snape to the Willow because you're a monster, I did it because I am._

_I promise I’ll leave you alone now. I’m sorry._

_Yours always,_

_Sirius_

…

Remus stared at the page before him for a long time. 

A maelstrom of emotions swirled inside him, each claiming his focus for a second before being replaced by the next. The anger, hurt and betrayal that he’d been used to for the past few weeks flickered by quickly, replaced instead by sadness, then concern, then regret, before settling on something that felt a bit like longing. He was slightly shocked by how quickly the anger he had been holding onto for weeks slipped away, but the letter, combined with the knowledge that Sirius was currently at home with his awful parents, had changed something. He supposed part of it was that he found it hard to be mad at Sirius when he knew that he was at home and possibly in very real danger. But there was more to it than that...The letter was uncharacteristically sincere for Sirius. He seemed to truly understand the severity of what he’d done and why it had hurt Remus so much. Sirius understood what it was like to be scared of what you could become and this insight allowed him to really understand Remus’ pain. There was also the fact that he knew deep down that Sirius wouldn’t have ever intentionally hurt him, something that in all his anger and hurt he’d lost sight of. The letter hadn’t fixed everything, but it was a start and it gave him a lot to think about. 

  
  


…

  
  
  


It took Remus a day or two to decide to do something about Sirius’ letter. He knew there was no point writing to Sirius, his parents never let him communicate with his friends when he was home. The only option was to go through James and hope that he’d been in contact with the other boy. The problem was that he didn’t know how much he wanted to reveal right now. He didn’t want James getting his hopes up that it would all go back to normal when he was still feeling so confused, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to hide the fact that something had changed. Ultimately, it came down to the fact that doing nothing was driving him crazy and if he wrote to James he would be able to ask if Sirius was alright at least. Decision made, he sat down at his desk, grabbed a quill and parchment and started to write. 

  
  


_Prongs,_

_How’s your holiday been so far, been up to anything interesting?_

_I got a letter from Sirius, he must have slipped it into my trunk when we were still at school. I’m still so mad at him sometimes, I still can’t believe that he told Snape and I still think about how much worse it all could have gone._

_But I think that he really is sorry and, stupid as it was, I do believe him that he didn’t mean for it to go down like it did. I miss him._

_I’m not there right now, but I think that maybe I can forgive him_

_Have you spoken to him? I’m worried about him being back in that house_

_Moony_

  
  
  
  


After a couple of days of Remus pulling his hair out waiting for a response, the Potter’s beautiful Tawny owl arrived at the Lupin cottage one morning at breakfast. Remus grabbed the letter as soon as the poor bird had landed and scanned through it quickly. He wasn’t sure exactly what he had expected from James’ letter, but he was disappointed to find that it did very little to diminish his worries about their friend. 

  
  
  


_Moony,_

_My holidays have been fine, but I haven’t stopped worrying about Padfoot._

_He’s answered the mirror a few times, it doesn’t seem like anything too bad’s happened. They’ve locked him in his room and I don’t think he’s been allowed out. He says that’s all, but I don’t think he’d tell me if there was anything else. I just know that I’ll be happier when he’s back at school away from those people._

_I think you’re right though, he’s genuinely sorry about it all. I know he hurt you and he’s a bloody idiot, but he cares about you so much. I’m obviously chuffed that you think you might be able to forgive him, but do it in your own time, mate, he’ll understand._

_Prongs_

_P.S. Do you want to come over for New Year's? I know it’s a couple of days after the Full, but it would be nice to see you. Wormtail will be back from Ireland by then, so he’s coming._

  
  
  


…

  
  


Over the next few days, Remus couldn’t keep his mind off of Sirius. He kept going over his letter (which he knew by heart at this point). The more he thought about it, the more sure he was that he wanted the other boy back in his life. He wanted to at least give him a chance to fix their friendship, it was too important to just throw away. After all, how many times had Sirius been there for him, being the best friend anyone could ask for? How often had he brought him chocolate when he was recovering from a moon in the hospital wing? Or made the effort to write detailed notes from the classes he’d missed? And hadn’t he always stood up for him when other students had mocked his scars? He’d risked his wellbeing and freedom by becoming an illegal animagus for Merlin’s sake! Yes, he really messed up, but did that really undo all the times he’d been there for him? Because if you looked at it objectively, the bad experience of their friendship was the exception, not the rule. 

As he thought about letting the other boy back into his life, Remus became aware of how much he’d missed his presence. Life at Hogwarts hadn’t been the same without Sirius’ barking laugh and sparkling eyes and Remus found himself excited at the prospect of having them again. Thinking of his handsome friend brought a familiar feeling of warmth to the pit of Remus’ stomach and memories of closeness brought a blush to his cheeks, which he was determined to ignore. He had only just decided that he was ready to be friends again with Sirius, it was not the time to be focusing on other, more than friendly, feelings that had stubbornly refused to leave throughout all of this. Confusing feelings aside, Remus had made his decision; he was ready to forgive Sirius. He missed him too much to go on as they were. 

  
So when, just a few days after Christmas, he received James' frantic letter - _Sirius ran away. He's here now. It's bad.-_ Remus wasted no time on thinking. He needed to see Sirius and he needed to see him _now._ Within minutes of reading the short note, he was dressed and ready to floo to the Potter's.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius Black is not having a good Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence, child abuse, descriptions of blood and injury
> 
> Hey guys, just a heads up, please be aware of the warnings for this chapter and look after yourselves. Sirius is not in for a good time.

Sirius’ holiday was going about as well as he had expected it to. It had been no surprise to him that he had been immediately banished to his room upon entering Grimmauld Place. He supposed he should count himself lucky, he had made it to his second floor bedroom without any hexes being fired his way- which was a considerable improvement on previous holidays. But since then, he had just been kept there. He hadn’t seen his mother or father (which he wasn’t complaining about) but he also hadn’t seen Regulus since they had arrived at the house. His last interaction with Regulus had unnerved him as well. It had been just before his mother had slammed his bedroom door in his face. Regulus had been standing behind her, coming to drop off his belongings in his own room. He had caught Sirius’ eye over their mother’s shoulder and, managing to look both upset and sincere, had mouthed the words _I’m sorry._

The whole thing had left Sirius confused and very wary and his solitary confinement in his room gave him a lot of time to dwell on it. And when he wasn’t dwelling on Regulus, his mind was occupied by thoughts of his friends and what they were doing and how they were. He hoped they were happy and were enjoying their holidays. He imagined Remus sitting in a comfy armchair in his cottage with a hot chocolate and a book, a soft smile on his face. And even though he felt he didn’t deserve to even think about Remus, the thought brought a little bit of warmth to him in his otherwise cold and bleak holiday. 

On Christmas Day, he'd been allowed out for the family meal to keep up appearances. It had been an absolute nightmare and he honestly wished they'd just left him locked away. He'd done his best to ignore them all, but had ended up arguing with Bellatrix over dessert (and was now sporting a black eye and a split lip for his troubles). He had noticed something was off during the meal, well, something more off than the usual family drama There was something ominous in the air, something everyone but him seemed aware of. And he didn’t like it one bit. Luckily, (or unluckily depending on how you saw it), he wouldn't have to wait long before he was in on the secret too.

…

It was two days after Christmas when it finally came to a head. Kreacher had informed Sirius that his parents wanted to speak to him and (with a few snide mutters about how much of a disgrace the eldest Black son was) had unlocked his door. Sirius knew better than to keep his parents waiting, it would be much worse for him if they had to come and get him. So, reluctantly, he made his way through the gloomy hallway and down the stairs to his father's study. He allowed himself one final moment of relative peace before he raised his fist and knocked sharply on the door.

"Enter," came his father's voice from inside the room.

Sirius walked into the ornate study, ignoring all his instincts which were screaming at him to leave, to run as far from these people who called themselves his parents as he possibly could. They were both here, his father stood behind his heavy oak desk and his mother moving to close the door behind him. Her movements made him uneasy; he didn’t like that he couldn’t keep both of them in his line of sight and he really didn’t like that she was now between him and the door. 

“Ah, Sirius, good of you to join us,” his father said in a voice that might have been seen as welcoming if you didn’t know him. But Sirius did know him and it made his hairs stand on end. 

"We need to have a discussion about your future," Orion continued, slowly making his way around his desk. "It's the reason we asked you to come home this holiday."

"But Regulus asked me home…"

His mother laughed; a cruel and bitter sound.

“We knew you would have ignored us if we had told you to return home for the holidays, so we asked Regulus to pass on the message,” she said with a sly grin.

Sirius felt like the air had been sucked out of his body. It had been a lie. Regulus hadn’t wanted him to come home. Suddenly the apology made sense. Rather than making him angry at his brother, this revelation filled Sirius with a pressing need to see him immediately. Their parents already had such a hold over him, Sirius needed to get to him before they took him away forever.

"Where is he?" Sirius asked, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Regulus is with Bellatrix and Narcissa," Walburga crooned proudly. "They're taking him to a meeting with the Dark Lord. He's very pleased with Regulus, Bellatrix thinks that he might even honour him with his Mark in the summer."

Sirius was aware that his mother had continued talking, bragging about Regulus' apparent achievement, but he couldn’t hear her. She was just white noise in the background of the voice that was now screaming at him in his head, repeating on a loop. _Regulus is going to take the Mark. Regulus is going to be a Death Eater._

He was too late.

A feeling akin to grief started to build up inside him and it made him want to cry and scream at how unfair it all was. But Sirius would not give his parents that satisfaction, so he stomped down on it, morphing it instead into a fiery rage. 

"You sick fucks" he said darkly, glaring at his parents. 

"What did you say, boy?" His father asked, daring him to repeat himself.

If he had any sense of self preservation, Sirius might have seen the cold fury in his father's eyes and decided to back down. But Sirius wasn’t known for his survival instinct, or for backing down. And right now he was livid, his anger at his parents all-encompassing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sirius spat, fire in his eyes. "He's just a kid for fuck's sake! You've brainwashed him with all your Pureblood bullshit and know you're offering him up as a soldier in your disgusting war! Do you want him to fucking die?!"

"Enough!" Walburga screeched. "How dare you speak to your father in that tone!"

Her words were followed by three quick wand movements, each sending a phantom whip across his back and he could feel blood begin to soak into his shirt where his skin had broken.

"Your brother is doing something you’ve never been able to do,” Sirius’ father continued as though nothing had happened. “He’s stepping up and representing his family. He’s making his forefathers proud.” 

“You could do it too, Sirius,” his mother offered, almost kindly. “You could put all this teenage rebellion behind you and rejoin the family. The Dark Lord would be so pleased that you joined his cause, all would be forgiven.”

Sirius just glared at her in response, his disgust clear on his face. 

"Listen boy! You've only ever been an embarrassment and a disgrace. You aren't fit to hold your noble name. But you are being given the opportunity to redeem yourself, you'd be a fool to refuse it," Orion said, his voice almost bored.

"I'd rather die!"

"Worthless, ungrateful brat! CRUCIO!"

It wasn’t the first time his mother had used an Unforgivable Curse on him, but no matter how familiar the feeling was, it was never something he'd get used to. Agony exploded over his body and he doubled over, curling in on himself in an attempt to escape some of the pain.

After what seemed like an eternity, Walburga lifted the spell and Sirius forced himself up to his full height, unwilling to show his parents any weakness. 

"You have a choice, Sirius," his mother said. "Either step up to your role as heir to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, or turn you back on your kin like a filthy Blood Traitor!" She spat the last two words out like they were poison on her lips.

"If the choice is between blood traitor and Death Eater, then I'm a Blood Traitor and proud!" Sirius stated, staring his parents down defiantly. 

The next spell that hit him threw him to the ground and pinned him there. His mother knelt down, leaning over him and jeering in his face. Sirius had heard rumours of the Black family madness before, but he'd never seen it so clearly as he did now looking into his mother's eyes. She looked deranged and that frightened him more than anything. In the past, she'd always had some restraint when delivering his punishments, but that seemed to have left her now. There was nothing holding her back.

"Well if you're so proud," she drawled, raising her wand to hover just over his left forearm, "Maybe you should have your own Mark to show off." 

With a horrifying grin, she brought her wand down, causing pain to shoot up Sirius' arm. Whatever curse she'd used before kept him in place, struggling fruitlessly and gasping in agony. He couldn't see what she was doing, but he could feel the sensation of the wand carving into his arm, blood seeping from the wounds it was creating. 

After what felt like an eternity, his mother pulled back to admire her work, a feral, almost predatory look on her face as she took in her injured son.

Sirius knew he needed to move, he was too vulnerable laying on the floor as he was. He managed to pull himself up into his hands and knees, ignoring the pain shooting up his arm, before his father's boot collided forcefully with his side, sending him back to the ground. 

“You are a fool boy,” Orion said, looking at his son in distaste. “You could have had everything, but you’ve thrown it all away. And for what? Those pathetic friends of yours? Blood traitors and Mudbloods and Half-Breeds?”

“They’re better wizards than you’ll ever be!” Sirius spat, earning himself another hit from the cruciatus curse. 

“Scum,” his mother screamed. “Disgrace! I should have drowned you when you were born!”

“Walburga,” his father said, his calm voice a direct contrast to his wife’s shrill screaming. “It is clear that Sirius has made his choice, it is unfortunate that it has to be this way. We have worried that this day would come since he failed us by not becoming a Slytherin.” 

While his parents had been talking, Sirius had managed to pull himself back up into a standing position, although he was having to lean on the wall a little for support. 

“You’re wrong,” Sirius’ voice was surprisingly strong given his condition. “This,” he said gesturing at the blood coating his arm, “This doesn’t make us any better than anyone else. The blood that runs through these veins isn’t a privilege, it’s a curse! And those ‘Blood Traitors and Mudbloods’ you’re so worried about are the best people I know! You’re not my family, they are! You’re just a bunch of crazy, incestuous old bigots! ”

In an instant, his father had him pinned to the wall, hands tight around his throat.

“Listen here,you little shit” his father said, squeezing his hands tighter. “You are nothing! Without your name, you mean nothing!” 

With the last of his strength, Sirius dove his hand into his pocket, grasping desperately for his wand. Trembling fingers wrapped around smooth wood and managed to slip it out of his pocket. In the tight space, the tip of the wand was touching his father, but Orion didn't seem to notice, too occupied with dealing with his eldest son. It was now or never.

"Stupefy" Sirius rasped as darkness threatened his vision. A sudden blast of red light and the pressure on his neck eased and stopped.

Fuelled by pure adrenaline and panic, Sirius didn't have a chance to think before he was moving again. A second stunner flew from his wand, this time aimed at his mother and she too fell to the ground. Time seemed to slow now that the immediate threat was over and Sirius paused, gasping for breath, to allow himself time to assess his situation.

Everything hurt.

He felt lightheaded and knew he was bleeding from the wounds on his left arm and back and he was fairly sure that the stabbing pain in his side meant at least one broken rib. His body trembled from the after effects of the cruciatus curse and he knew he'd be covered in bruises.

It was clear to him that he had to leave. There was no coming back from this, not now. Staying in this house with these people would be signing his own death warrant. No, he needed to leave and quickly. The only problem was that he didn't really have many places he could go. He couldn’t get back to Hogwarts and he didn’t know where Andromeda lived, so he couldn’t go to hers. He cursed himself; he should never have come back, James had been right.

James.

Suddenly, Sirius knew where to go. Ever since they had met on the train on their first day at Hogwarts, James had meant safety to Sirius. And right now he needed that. 

He stumbled towards the fireplace as quickly as his aching body would allow. 

"Accio trunk"

A few moments later the door to the study was flung open by Sirius’ trunk flying through the air towards him. An ear-splitting shriek drew Sirius' attention from his luggage, back to the doorway. There stood a horrified looking Kreacher, who had presumably followed the levitating trunk.

"What has Master Sirius done?" Kreacher cried, rushing towards his Mistress' prone form. Sirius knew this was it, he had to go right now, before Kreacher woke his parents. Grabbing a handful of floo powder, he dragged his trunk backwards into the fireplace. Without another glance at the miserable room he was leaving, he dropped the powder.

“Potter Manor” he croaked. 

With a flash of green, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it, Sirius has finally escaped from the Blacks. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I've been looking forwards to posting this one.
> 
> Just wanted to say thanks again for all the comments and Kudos, you guys are awesome!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius arrives at the Potter's house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Descriptions of blood and injury, referenced child abuse and violence

James Potter was sitting at his dining room table playing a rather intense game of Wizard's chess with his father, Fleamont. His mother, Euphemia, sat in a comfy arm chair in the corner of the room reading her book, stopping every now and again to tease her son and husband or offer tactical advice for the game. It was two days after Christmas and the Potters were having a quiet evening enjoying each other’s company after a rather busy Christmas and Boxing Day with the extended family. James loved Christmas and a few days of festivities had been a nice distraction from his nonstop worry about Sirius, who he knew would be having a much less pleasant holiday. He'd managed to speak to him through their two-way mirrors on Christmas Eve, but that was the last contact he'd had and he could feel his anxiety rising by the hour. James looked at the chessboard in front of him; the game was a close one, but it was nearing its end. He decided that, as soon as the game was finished, he'd head up to his room and try Sirius on the mirrors. If he could just see him, it would relieve some of his worry. 

As Fleamont was about to make his final move and take out his son’s King, the game was interrupted by the familiar 'Whoosh' of the floo network being activated, followed by the thud of something heavy hitting the floor. In an instant all three Potter's were up and rushing towards the living room, where the fireplace stood.

James was sure he would never forget the sight that greeted them in the living room as long as he lived, the horrifying scene was seared into his brain. 

There, in front of the fireplace, leaning heavily on his school trunk, was his best friend. 

Sirius looked terrible. He was barely standing and seemed to be trembling from head to foot. Worryingly, his shirt, which hung raggedly off his shoulders, was stained crimson and more blood dripped from his arm onto the floor. He had looked up at the sound of the Potter’s entering the room and James was able to see the pain in his eyes and the multitude of bruises forming on his face and neck, contrasting drastically with his pale skin.

"Sorry about getting blood on the carpet, Mrs P" Sirius managed to rasp out before his knees gave out and he fell unconscious to the floor.

James was moving before Sirius had hit the ground. He pulled his best friend into his lap, shaking him slightly. 

“Sirius, mate, come on, wake up!” he begged. 

James’ desperate voice seemed to bring his parents out of their state of shock. His mother took charge, her training as a healer kicking in, despite her years of retirement. 

“James, can you carry him? We need to get him into the kitchen, there’s better light and more space to work”

James nodded his understanding, the lump in his throat preventing him from answering. He gently scooped Sirius up and had to choke back a sob at how easy it was to lift him; he shouldn’t be so light or so limp.

“Fleamont, get me my kit,” Euphemia instructed as she led the way to the kitchen. “I think we’ll need some potions as well… blood replenisher, something for the pain and maybe some calming draught.” She turned her attention back to her son. “James, do you know what might have happened to him?” she asked gently.

James nodded shakily, his now teary eyes never leaving the boy in his arms. “His parents… His parents did it,” he choked out, holding back tears. If he’d been looking at his mother, he would have seen her face cloud with rage at his words. 

  
  


Entering the kitchen, James lay Sirius down on the table, careful not to jostle him. He didn’t want to cause the other boy any more pain than what he was already experiencing. Euphemia, already at the head of the table, raised her wand and a soft light glowed over Sirius’ body. James recognised this spell from the time he’d fallen off his broom and his mother had needed to see if he had broken his wrist. It was a diagnostic spell, healers used it to assess internal injuries. He watched his mother’s face, as Sirius’ injuries revealed themselves to her. She was muttering to herself, a deep frown on her features. James was sure he heard the phrases “blood loss” and “broken ribs” before Euphemia’s hand came to her mouth in shock. 

“They used the cruciatus on him” she whispered in horror, her eyes filling with tears. “He’s just a boy…”

James swore and it was a testament to his mother’s worry that she didn’t pull him up on it. Fleamont entered the kitchen then with a carpet bag filled with potions and medical supplies. The two elder Potter’s got to work immediately, working together to heal the battered boy in front of them. 

James could do nothing but watch, afraid to take his eyes off of his injured friend for even a minute. He couldn’t understand how anyone could do this to another person, let alone their own son! James didn’t think he’d ever been as scared in his life as he had been seeing Sirius collapse to the floor. And now he needed to keep an eye on him, needed to make sure that he was okay, because any other option was unacceptable. 

Watching his parents as they healed what they could of Sirius’ injuries, James couldn’t help but question how he’d let this happen. How could he have let Sirius go back to those people? He should have stopped him, he should have made him come back to his house for Christmas. Maybe he could have told McGonagall and she could have stopped Sirius from going home? He cursed himself for letting Sirius talk him out of going to a teacher. If they could have stopped this it would be worth Sirius being mad at him. What would have happened if Sirius hadn’t managed to get away when he did? Judging by the state of him, it was a close call. Would his parents have kept going? Could they have killed him? 

Mrs Potter's horrified gasp broke through James’ spiralling thoughts. He followed her teary gaze to Sirius left arm, now cleared of blood. There, carved clearly into the pale skin between his elbow and wrist, were the words  _ BLOOD TRAITOR  _

James was sure he was going to be sick. But whether it was out of heartache or anger, he wasn’t sure. He wanted to cry for his friend, for how unfair this was, for the way he'd been abused by the people who should love and comfort him. Sirius deserved so much better than this. He deserved to be loved and cherished and James swore that that's how it would be from now on. But James also wanted to rage and curse and cause pain to the people who had hurt his brother. He had never felt a hate so intense as the one he held for Walburga and Orion Black and he vowed that if they so much as looked at Sirius in a cruel way, he would make them regret it dearly. Not that he was planning on ever letting Sirius close enough for them to look at him ever again. 

Just as Euphemia finished wrapping his arm in fresh white bandages, Sirius jerked awake, a terrified look in his eyes. He flinched away from Euphemia's gentle hand, almost falling off the table with the abruptness of his movement. His eyes darted around the room, but didn’t seem to register where he was or that he was safe. 

“Padfoot?” James asked tentatively, slowly reaching out to touch him. “It’s okay, it’s me, it’s Prongs. You’re at my house, you’re safe.”

Recognition flashed in Sirius grey eyes and, ignoring the aches and pains throughout his body, he threw himself into James’ arms. James caught him, pulling him into a tight hug; one that he didn’t plan on letting him out of anytime soon. After a moment, James realised that Sirius was saying something, his voice muffled against James’ shoulder. James strained his ears, trying to pick up on what his friend was saying and his heart broke for him when he heard it. 

_ I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry _

“Pads, hey,” James said soothingly. “What on earth are you sorry for?”

"I shouldn’t have come here,” he replied, shakily. “I just… I didn't know where else to go"

“No, you did the right thing Siri, we’re all glad you’re here,” James said, gesturing at his parents as well. "You're safe here, they won't hurt you anymore,  _ I  _ won't let them, _ "  _ he swore.

"I just needed to get out of there… they were going to kill me this time, James."

James just held him tighter. 

Euphemia decided at this moment to step in again. She didn’t want to interrupt the two boys or to startle Sirius, but she was concerned that the boy was still in considerable pain and had lost a fair amount of blood and she knew that she needed to finish healing him. 

“Sirius sweetheart,” She said gently. “I’ve got some potions that I would really like you to take, do you think you can manage that?” 

He looked up, startled. He had forgotten that Mr and Mrs Potter were in the room. He looked at them, suddenly very unsure of himself. 

“I.. I’m sorry Mrs Potter, Mr Potter,” Sirius said, sounding nothing like the confident boy they had come to know.

“Sirius, darling, James already told you there’s nothing to be sorry about and I’ve told you before, none of that Mr and Mrs Potter nonsense, you know you can call us Mia and Monty.” Euphemia said kindly. “Now then, I have a blood replenishing potion here and something for the pain and I would feel a lot better if you could drink those for me, is that okay?”

Sirius nodded and accepted the potions handed to him. Euphemia smiled at him encouragingly, reaching out to caress his cheek gently. Sirius felt like he wanted to weep at how gentle she was being with him. 

Now that the adrenaline had worn off, Sirius was feeling a bone deep weariness. It must have shown on his face, because Fleamont cleared his throat and said “Right, I don’t know about all of you, but I’m exhausted and I think everyone could do with a good sleep.” He turned to his son and Sirius, “Are you two okay sharing James’ room for tonight?”

James nodded enthusiastically; there was no way he was letting Sirius out of his sight tonight. 

The two boys headed upstairs, Sirius moving gingerly and still far too quiet for James’ liking. While Sirius stepped into the bathroom to get changed, James penned a quick note to Remus, knowing the other boy would want to know what had happened. Sirius reentered the room, wearing pyjama bottoms he had borrowed from James, chest covered in bandages. He stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment. 

“James… listen, I… I just wanted to say thanks for ...well everything”

“Sirius, mate,” James said, his voice sincere. “You don’t have to thank me, you’re my brother, I would do anything for you.” Then he scooted over to make room for Sirius on the bed. After just a moment of hesitation, Sirius joined him, curling into the space next to him, his exhaustion quickly taking hold of him. The last thing he heard before sleep took him, was James’ gentle voice.

“Don’t worry, mate, you’re home now.” 

When Euphemia opened the door later to check on the two boys, she found them both curled in James' bed. Sirius was tucked into James' side and James had his arm wrapped protectively around his shoulders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update for our favourite Werewolf's birthday :)


End file.
